…The Day I Learned That I Was Human…
I leaned against the wall; drink in one hand, cell in the other. I asked myself why I was out again, when I just said the other day that I was going to stay in and save some money. Then I started remembering how I also said I was going to run today, do yoga the day before, get at least eight hours of sleep, start the book that’s been on my nightstand for three months, and try cooking something other than microwaving a t.v. dinner. I shrugged all of this off because there was always tomorrow, right? NO! Why? Because I had said “Oh there’s tomorrow, today is the last day that I’m going to slack off” my entire life. I finished my drink, told my friends I was leaving, and started walking home.
Once I was home, I grabbed the planner that had been sitting on my desk and started writing a strict schedule to follow. I was going to run three days a week and do yoga four days. I planned my meals and went on Pinterest to find some recipes. I set a budget to go by, and told myself I wasn’t going to go over. I cleaned my room spotless, lit some candles and laid in bed to read my book. I set my alarm for 7:30 the next morning.
The next morning when I woke up, I realized that I didn’t even make it through half a page of my book the night before, and that I had pressed snooze on my alarm. It was nine and I had work in an hour. Jumping in the shower, hitting myself for not waking up on time or having enough time to exercise, I vowed to work out as soon as I got home from work. Of course after working for eight hours, I was too tired to cook, let alone work out. I stopped by the Chinese place on my way home and crawled in bed to watch hours of Netflix. I was angry with myself, but I had no energy to get up and workout. I scrolled through my Twitter feed, pleased with myself for not giving into temptation and going out while all my friends were (whether it was because I didn’t feel like getting ready or because I was actually following through with my plan, we won’t discuss).
I turned off the computer and rolled over to go to sleep, when I realized that it wasn’t just me. Why was I being so hard on myself? I thought about all my friends who did the same exact thing. I’m not a horrible, lazy person who can’t follow through with anything. I just needed balance in my life, I needed to be realistic and know my limits, and most importantly, I needed to not make promises to myself that I knew I couldn’t keep. I realized it’s okay that I didn’t work out today, and that there are going to be other days where I won’t be able to, because there will be a million other days that I can. There were also going to be days where I wanted to eat the whole pint of ice cream and days where I would cook a healthy homemade meal. I just needed to not beat myself up every time I indulged in food, skipped a work-out, or slept in. I’m human just like everyone else and things happen, LIFE happens.
Scheduling your entire life just can’t happen…workout when you can/want, eat what you want, watch as much television as you want, and stop beating yourself up because you didn’t stick to the unrealistic plan you made for yourself.