I am going to challenge you and I hope you will challenge me back. I hope that I can provide insight through my experiences and perspectives. I hope I can show you how I try to remember my innate privilege and I want you tell me when what I say doesn’t reflect an intersectional approach. I will try not to be just a white feminist and I ask that you don’t be afraid to tell me to check myself or my hypocrisy.
I’m not going to apologize for being a strong and opinionated woman and I don’t want you to apologize for also being a strong individual. I want us to be equal partners and not constantly apologizing for being free thinkers.
In terms of defining equal partnership, I’m not just talking about splitting a chore list. I’m talking about sitting down and discussing things as they come up. There are going to be times when you or I are balancing innumerable tasks and deadlines and the weight of responsibilities will shift. I’m sure at times it will be frustrating for both of us, but if we talk about it with an open mind we can manage.
While I am going to be strong, I am going to have my weak moments and I don’t want you to think less of me if and when I cry. No matter what social stigma, I won’t think any less of you when you have those moments as well. It’s those types of emotional valleys that make the peaks and plateaus so enjoyable.
I hope you feel comfortable in maintaining your individuality. While we may be labeled as a couple, I did not fall in love with the couple; I fell in love with you, the individual. We are going to be different in some ways and similar in others. We will adjust for one another at times but I want us to maintain what makes us who we are, even if that means we don’t fit together easily.
While this letter isn’t exhaustive, I hope you can see the essence of what I am trying to say: I just want you to be you and me to be me. I hope we challenge each other and respect each other. I say societal norms be damned and let us find the relationship that works best. It might not be perfect, easy, or last forever. But it will be ours to define and ours to enjoy, for whatever time we make.