To The Girl Whose Boyfriend I’m Sleeping With

Sorry, but I’m not sorry.

I know you think we’re sleeping together. You don’t make a terrible effort to hide your insecurity regarding our friendship. I’m not going to make excuses for the behavior, because when it all started you weren’t in the picture—or so that’s what I thought. I know better now.

You deserve to know a few things, though.

1. He’s cheated on you before.

With more than one person, more than one time. For the past year. They were all one-night stands up until me.

2. He doesn’t talk about you.

Like, ever. Even when you were happy together and you were posting about how amazing he is, he never talked about you. None of our friends even knew you existed until a few months ago.

3. When he finally did talk about you, he referred to you as his ex.

Before anything happened between us, he still talked about you as an ex. He would always say that you were just “this girl.” He would say you dated “a while back.” You’ve been “off and on.” Never once did he mention that you were together for a long time and that you both had serious discussions about marriage. He firmly tells everyone that he is single.

4. He is afraid to push you away because he thinks that you won’t handle it well.

He doesn’t want to be with you; he just doesn’t know how to tell you that. He knows that you love him and he doesn’t want to hurt you. He isn’t capable of love like you are. He speaks the language of reality, logistics, and sex.

And finally.

5. You deserve better.

No one is going to tell you this because you wouldn’t believe it even if they did. You are young, smart, beautiful, witty, and creative. You have the world at your fingertips and you are settling for what is directly in front of you. Let it go. Let him go! You will be OK. You will survive. You will prosper. And most importantly, you will love again. You will find someone who can love you the way you deserve. Someone who has the capacity to see you for everything you are and will support you 100%. Someone who won’t cheat on you, then call you and tell you he loves you. A man who won’t kiss you right after he finished kissing someone else. You will find someone who will show you what it’s like to be able to truly trust and value another person. Someone who will show you off to his friends and talk about you like you are the best thing in his life. And you deserve that. You DESERVE that. Do you hear me?

You are going to read this, and you’re going to laugh it off. I know you will. You trust him. He’s perfect for you. He would never do anything like that. He’s such a great person. He’s romantic and charming, loving and kind, dedicated to you even when things are rough.

You’re wrong. He’s deceptive, manipulative, and sneaky. Oh, and he’s a cheater. He will pull you in for a hug while texting me behind your back. You can think it’s going to change, but it isn’t. He doesn’t love you like you think he does. We don’t destroy the things we love.

Stop putting your trust blindly in him. He’s going to end up destroying you. And in the meantime, you are wasting away the formidable part of your twenties for someone who isn’t worth what you think he is.

I’m not sorry for sleeping with him. It was incredible. We’re still friends. We get along. We click. It was just sex and that’s all it would ever be. I don’t want him. I just want you to know that you shouldn’t want him, either.