Let’s face it, when relationships end it is usually in a bad way. I’m not saying that all relationships end in flames, but most of us do burn and break from the termination of them. For most of us, it is the simple realization of not having this person involved in every second of our daily lives. Someone who was once by our side every step of the way is now merely a stranger to us.
But what happens when this person was not involved in every second, he must be easier to lose right? Wrong. I’ve found that the hardest breakups to go through are the ones that were never official in the first place. You knew the feelings existed between the both of you, you talked about them, but the relationship had to be put off.
He’s on to bigger and better things and he couldn’t take his love with him, because that would obstruct personal growth. You understood this, you wanted him to grow so you both said you would wait and that you’d be together soon enough.
Then he leaves, he grows, he develops, and he finds someone else. The promises you made before were nothing but empty phrases. You repeat the “it will be”s in your head and you find it hard to cope with the fact that it will never be.
Perhaps the hardest part is the little things- like that time you didn’t officially meet his family but you could’ve sworn they smiled at you with endearment each time you visited. Those intimate nights you shared now turn into a story that begins with the sentiment, “remember that time when…” and you know they mean something different to him now.
This person is most likely still trying to be your friend, and it’s hard for you to settle with that. You still want to be what you said you could’ve been but you bite your lip each time you go to bring it up. We swallow our pride and catch back up with them like nothing was wrong and they never hurt us, I mean how could we be hurt if we never actually had them in the first place?
It would be wrong of us to accuse them of cheating, because we were never theirs. It would be wrong of us to try to rekindle anything, because we know we’re better than going back to them. But for some reason, we’re not over it and we have to be there as his friend. We shouldn’t love him, but we do.
But it’s time for the breakup, we’ll tell ourselves, he’s done me nothing but good and I will get over this person I never had.
Then he smiles… and in that smile you swear you see the first time you kissed, you see everything you like about him and you see what exactly you fell for in the first place….. and you fall again.