In light of last night’s over-hyped and under-delivered match up of the National Football League’s number 1 offense vs. the league’s number 1 defense, sometimes being a football fan can be tough. For those of you who found yourself watching the spectacle with a decreasing amount of interest for the game and an increasing amount of interest for the commercials you may find yourself questioning what it means to be a fan. And if you’re not a fan, well then you may need some help in order to fit in with fandom craziness and learning how to fake it.
In a society that focuses a whole lot of energy and money on sports, sports teams, sports players and sports games, if you just so happen to be one of those people that’s not exactly a sports fan to be included in the cult that are sports fans there are four big things you should know.
1. When the score at halftime is more reflective of a rookie than a veteran, it’s time to start shouting.
Whether or not you’re a fan of that losing team, it’s safe to say that when a team with a veteran or industry star is being crushed under the weight of the other team’s scoreboard its time to start yelling. Loud gibberish, profanities, random names, whatever you can think of- just yell at the TV as if that player can hear you and your non-fandom will be disguised in full.
2. If a player makes it from one end of the playing area to the other, it’s time to start celebrating.
It’s safe to say that if a player on “your” team makes a continuous run from one end of the sports playing area (typically a field, a court or a rink) to the other with out getting taken out by the opposing team you are safe to throw your hands up in the air and celebrate. Pour shots, cheers, and drink up- this is a celebration! Important note here, try not to confuse the teams and celebrate for an opposing team’s success. Suddenly you will find yourself sticking out like a sore thumb. In a world of sports fans, try to avoid this at all costs.
3. Learn the names of the star players, and you will earn some brownie points.
Aside from yelling and celebrating at the right time, it’ll help your fandom status if you know the names of each team’s star players. Whether that be the quarterback, the high scoring speed demon, or the guy or gal who always seems to be in the right place at the right time, making mention of these names will disguise your lack of sports fandom so well that your fellow fans won’t even think twice. Just be careful to mention these names in moderation, you don’t want to suddenly be face to face with a fan of the opposing team challenging you on pass completion records.
4. When all else fails, offer to refill the fans with food and drinks.
It’s not surprising that a hungry or thirsty fan can become very unpleasant, very quickly. (Especially if their team is not preforming to the best of their ability.) In this instance, as a fakie-fan if you are at a complete loss for what is happening on screen make sure your fan counterparts have a full drink in their hands and bellies full of yummy snacks. A sure fire way to ensure that at the end of the day, the sports game will end but at least the fans, fair weather or not, will be pink with barley controlled glee due to your delicious refills.