Dear Dr. W.,
I’m sure you are surprised to hear from me, as you had previously diagnosed me with a deadly disease that left me with only three weeks to live. I am currently alive and well as I approach my eleventh week since receiving this news. Do you remember that day? It was my first time reaching out to you after I heard you’re a professional in the medical field. I had come to you with a moderate pain in my left pinky. In a matter of seconds, you had dropped the bomb. I don’t remember the exact word for my condition as it was very long, but you assured me that the end was near. The moment I realized the severity of my illness, my heart started to race and my palms began to sweat. I asked you about these symptoms; turns out, those are fatal too! I couldn’t believe my body was so diseased and that I’d been walking around and enjoying life like nothing was wrong. I peeked down again at your name which read “Web M.D” and thought about how much better the world is now that you are a Medical Doctor. I began to ask you if there was anything I could do to avoid such an outcome. In which you replied, “Take a Tylenol or seek further medical attention.” I chose the Tylenol.
Since then, I have not experienced any pinky pain. Are you sure the M.D in your name doesn’t stand for “Miracle Doctor?” I don’t know how I would be living right now if it weren’t for that tip to swallow some over-the-counter medication. I will most definitely be referring my friends to you so that they can find out what serious ailment they’re really suffering from when they claim have a headache. I simply can’t call myself a true friend if I’m letting them walk around on the edge of death. I hope my writing this to you is proof of my appreciation for your diagnostic practice. I don’t know what I would do without your continual guidance and bitter truth.
P.S: I just hit my elbow really hard on my desk and am experiencing some pain. I’ll probably be swinging by your office soon – ya know, to make sure it isn’t cancer.