You’re Still The Guy I’m Holding Onto

It started out so innocent. You were just a guy, and I was just girl. We seemed to click, there was a spark, and it was just plain easy with you.

Now, I’ve had sparks with other guys before but, with you it lasted, and it didn’t fade out like it normally did when relationships continue on. You knew me so well that you probably knew what I was thinking just by looking at my face. I fell for the way you made me laugh every time we hung out. I fell for the way you listened when I talked about my past, and then didn’t judge me for it. I fell for the way we danced in your living room almost every night we hung out. I just plain fell for you, bottom line.

But, then you weren’t there to catch me.

You had someone else, I knew that when this started. But, so did I. Neither of us were innocent by any means. It just happened out of nowhere and before I could get out, I had already caught feelings. I was never planning on being “the other woman” in my life. I don’t think any girl (or guy) plans on being a person side item. Never the less, it happened and here I am now going back and forth on regretting it, but still being happy that you came into my life.

Maybe you came into my life because you understood me. You had been through a lot already in your life, just as I had been through a lot in mine. When I needed to vent you were there to listen, and to call me out when I was being a little overly dramatic. Vise Versa, when you found out news about your family I was there to lend an ear and be there for whatever you needed. I was also there to listen to you vent about you girlfriend. This was probably one of the toughest things to listen to. I just kept wanting to yell out “then be with me!” whenever this happened.
Fast forward a year and half after all this started.

Sometimes I still can’t help but think that you should be with me. That you and I are so compatible that its almost tragic that we aren’t together. But, after so long I’ve realized I will never be the girl that you want. You will never love me the way that I love you. It breaks my heart to actually say that out loud but, I know it to be true. But, I think a few months from now or even years down the road, you’re going to look back and regret that you never took a leap of faith with us.

I know it isn’t right to say any of this since you have someone else. Someone you have told you me have thought about marrying. But, sometimes people come into your life at certain times for a reason, and I truly believe you and I met when we did for a reason. I might just be a stupid girl, but there is still a small part of me holding out faith that one day you will be there to catch me.