12. He roared like a lion
My first one night stand. I met him at a club, thought he was hot (I may have been drinking) but he told me he lived with his teenage girlfriend but that they were broken up. He was 21, she was 17. (I know, I know. Red flag!)
Anyway I take him home and we hook up and when he comes he ROARS like some kind of bear or lion or something. That was pretty wtf. It wouldn’t have been so bad but I had three male housemates at the time and they found it absolutely hilarious. They roared at me every time I walked in the door for at least a year, and then explained the joke to everyone we knew. HA.
But the worst part is that several days later, his 17 year old girlfriend shows up at my house, screaming and pounding on the door. I opened it because you know, neighbors and such. She was very, very obviously pregnant. And apparently they were absolutely NOT on a break. I felt bad but really, how the fuck was I supposed to know? This was way before social media (unless you count LiveJournal) Sadly I never ran into him again, because there were a lot of words I wanted to say to him for being such a scumbag.
13. I thought he was gonna use the vibrator
We were drunk, so at first he couldn’t get it up, and we started using a vibrator instead. I close my eyes to enjoy the moment, and when I open them again… he’s fucking me. Without a condom.
I got tested the next week and everything was ok, but that was a huge scare.