11. More excited about chess than me
So i met this guy on tinder. He was really cute and we texted for a few days. One night i went out, got VERY drunk and decided I wanted to hook up.
So i text the guy at 5 a.m on a Saturday saying something like “wanna come play chess?” after he knew i was going out. It was the first time I was seeing him in person and I know it was reckless, but I was very very drunk and thought it was a good idea.
The guy comes in and we instantly start to make out and I start to direct him to my bed (I live in a small apartment, so the bed is not far from the door).
Everything is going as planned in my drunk head UNTIL he sees the chess game on my library… He grabs the box all excited, goes to my table and starts to prepare the game. I’m dumbfounded. But you know, I’m drunk, so i go like “fuck it”, get some coffee ready and start playing chess.
Needless to say, he absolutely destroyed me.
But it wasn’t over yet. He wanted to play AGAIN. By this point I’m not even that drunk anymore, so I didn’t even know how to handle the situation and started to realize what a bad idea this thing was. Let’s add to this that during all this time he was talking about this girl he had seen ONCE over six months ago. And he was very very socially awkward. Well, more like socially inept. But handsome, very handsome.
So we are at the middle of the second game when i get fed up with the whole situation and decide I am having sex or he is leaving. This time I manage to distract him from the game and we go to the bed and everything is back on track. But things keep getting worse as I wasn’t expecting was this guy to be HUGE. He had the biggest thing i had seen. Even in porn. I can’t even call that thing a dick. I was terrorized and also quite mad at the whole situation. Needless to say it was anatomically impossible to have sex.
At this point i’m more than convinced that I want this guy to leave and never see him again. And, good thing, he is leaving.
I should have mentioned before that this guy is aprox 1,95 mts and i’m only 1,57 mts.
When I’m saying good bye to him he makes some joke about my height and I make the horrible mistake of saying “yeah, my friends used to call me Juli from the shire”. Now, i’m not a huge fan of lotr and my friends aren’t either, but this guy was. he got SO excited about me saying that and he just came back in and started talking about the books and the movies and the Silmarillion. He talked to me about all this for maybe about an hour and half.
Eventually I kicked him out. It was around 10 am in the morning by the time he left. And we didn’t have sex.