35. Tinder English teacher was actually MARRIED
I met a guy on Tinder who seemed really cool. He was an English teacher (I majored in English) whose views seemed to completely align with mine (I now realize he’d just listen to my opinions and mirror them or when we’d disagree on something he’d say he was joking and then agree with me). He said he was basically divorced, they were in the final parts of the process and that everything would be finalized soon, but if he understood if I wasn’t comfortable with that. I should’ve noped out of there then, but I felt like he was being honest from the get go and that I should give him a chance. He constantly told me to always be honest and if I ever felt weird about hooking up to tell him.
He was really attractive and was good at foreplay, even though he never lasted more than 2 minutes. He said it was because he hadn’t had sex in like 5 years, and I sympathized. But I started to notice that he could only ever hang out at weird hours during the day and always had to leave around 5 or 530. So I had my suspicions that something was up, but I couldn’t tell if I was just being paranoid.
No, I wasn’t. I saw his wife and her stuff in the background of one of his snapchats. And it wasn’t until he asked me if we were still ok a few days later that I confronted him. He instantly confessed that he was still married and wasn’t planning on getting divorced because his wife had recently been diagnosed with a serious mental illness and he didn’t feel right leaving her. Then he gave me some bullshit sob story about how much he hated his life and how he thought I knew about his wife because I said at the beginning that if they ended up getting back together that I didn’t want to be involved in any drama. He said that he took that to mean that I wasn’t interested in the details of his relationship status. I told him he intentionally misled me and that I never wanted to see or hear from him again. He tried to text me a few weeks later saying he missed me and our conversations. I blocked his number.
Fuck you Tom, you’re literal garbage.
36. Cat attacks us during sex
Met this guy, we started messing around. While we are in the middle of doing the deed, my cat jumps on my bed, scratches him across his forehead and he starts bleeding down on to me and my pillow. Sad thing is that the part I regret is me catching feelings for him as the deed doing continued on other occasions. :(