16 Tragically Hilarious Times Sex Went So Wrong That People Just Bounced Out Halfway Through

Thought.Is
Thought.Is

1. Open wound

We spotted blood, it turned out to be a small split in my frenulum (the string of skin that anchors the foreskin to the head.) My dick was bleeding, it was “owie”.

— paigezero

2. Unexpected information

In the middle of it she blurted out her father / grandfather are schizophrenic and sexually assaulting her for years when she was little.

Full. Stop.

— wastingtoomuchthyme

3. Created by sex, they destroy sex

The kids woke up. The kids always wake up, those cockblocking, RoosterShielding bastards.

— RoosterShield

4. Mood killed by gas

She farted while I was inside her, she was mortified but I thought it was hilarious and started laughing uncontrollably, but she didn’t pull away until I farted really loud while laughing.

— Dafuzz

5. Giving her oral, but something tasted off

This happened to me a few months ago. Was going down on my girlfriend and after a few moments something tasted off. I pull my face away from her and think that I taste blood. Worst suspicion is that I have accidentally earned my Red Wings.

Nope. I had gotten a nosebleed while going down on her. When she realized this she looked me dead in the eyes and said, “You fucking weeaboo.” We could not stop laughing.

— Kokennin

6. Ouch

Did the ol bent dick, hurt like hell, lost boner.

— killbillten1

7. Sounds and fury

It was a normal night of fucking for me and my fwb at the time. She was riding me and suddenly just this massive string of queefs just explodes from her. I’m holding back laughter as I type this but it was absurdly loud and long. She kinda just stopped moving and sighed really loudly and hopped off. I personally thought it was hilarious

— yung_bubu

8. Dog wanted in

My dog licked her asshole while she was riding cowgirl.

— TheDandyWarhol

9. Roommate felt left out

Roommate and I have the rooms on the top floor, literally just a staircase up to a landing with my door on the right his on the left.

We were both doing it with our respective girlfriends, it was funny enough that both parties could CLEARLY hear the other, when our 3rd roommate, drunk off his ass, comes home and storms up the stairs yelling that he wants to hangout.

He reached the top step while yelling our names, then suddenly went completely silent, probably because he clued in to the sex noises coming from both rooms.

Since he was drunk, he decides the right action at this point is to sit down on the landing, pout, and start playing porn off his phone at max volume.

We tried to keep going, but after a minute I was cracking up so hard I had to stop. I got up, but a bathrobe on and whipped open my door….. Right as my other roommate did the same thing. We both looked at each other, looked at roomie #3 who had at this point literally fallen asleep leaning on the wall with his phone in hand still playing porn, and just burst out laughing. We both walked him down to his bedroom and put him to bed before going back upstairs, but needless to say the mood was ruined at that point.

All had a great laugh about it the next morning, drunk roommate had 0 recollection of the whole thing and was totally mortified when we told him what he did.

— longboardshayde

10. Too far

He said something along the lines of “How crazy would it be if we had a baby together?”

He wasn’t some random, he was my best friend and fuck buddy. It was still weird.

— amaezingjew

11. Um

She was on top, ran her fingers through my chest hair and said: “you’re hairy just like my dad.”

— widsio

12. Games gone wrong

Tried doing some pace/speed change-up stuff to keep her teased, pulled my cock out and found out that the skin on the tip had been chafed off and I was bleeding.

Found out later that I’m allergic to her Nuva-ring and it causes little pimples on my cock if she leaves it in when we fuck.

— Ungodlydemon

13. Not enough lube

During rough buttsex in the dark, something didn’t feel right so we turned on the light. There was so much blood, my ass looked like a small rodent was beaten to death by a pretty thick dick.

— kooljapanese

14. Outdoor sex always has risks

Teenage me had a lot of distractions when having sex, including phone calls and awkward music coming up on a playlist to interrupt.

The worst was when we were having outdoor sex near some trees and while on top I looked ahead to see a skunk prancing toward us. I got up off he guy and grabbed my clothes as quietly as possible while trying to tell him what was going on. As he was getting up and I was already 15 feet away, he rolled over onto a thorn of some type and screamed. The nearby skunk misted him and completely ruined any chance of us getting back to it at another location.

— skunksploot

15. Tripped during sex

So we had just finished round 1 and the mattress had been shifted off the bed. She got off the bed and made a joke…. can’t remember what about… but I decided that I was going to slap her in the face with my cock.

So I stood on the bed and charged at her. Swinging my cock wildly. Only I forgot about the mattress, and how it had moved partially off the box spring.

As I ran at her the mattress underneath me gave way and I fell flat on my back, spread eagle, cock in hand.

She laughed so hard she farmed and couldn’t stand. Which caused me to start laughing hysterically. Afterwards we couldn’t do it again because every time she got near my dick she started laughing

— Incontinentiabutts

16. Goodbye

This happened to a friend of mine. He was having a one night stand with some girl and right in the middle she looks up at him and says “You can poop on me if you want.”

— Izabella-Kolosova TC mark

Brittany Cox

Ontario real estate specialist. I write relationship advice, #GuysInsight, sex, and snark.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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