14 People Talk About Whether Finally Finding Love Actually Made Them Happier

@domalantaadonijah
@domalantaadonijah

1. Happier, with caveats

Before: 2-3/7

After: 6/7

I don’t like that it’s like that, but it’s undeniable how much an effect having someone there for you has – someone to talk to on a daily basis, someone that cares about how you’re feeling, or what you’re up to. There’s just a time investment that people make in a relationship that outside of a relationship most people don’t want to make.

— carbonclasssix

2. Being single is fun too

I love my girlfriend (now wife), but it has definitely highlighted how awesome being single was. It’s funny, I spent my single days longing for a significant other. I wouldn’t trade my life now for anything, but I never thought I’d look back on my single days with nostalgia.

— crotchrocket4

3. The breakup was seriously hard

Here’s my story:

  • before gf: 7/10
  • gf: 10/10 – happiness
  • no gf: 2/10 – depression
  • 7 years later: 5/10

We were together for only 1 and a half year, a normal person would just get over her in half a year or so, though in me the breakup started bad depressions because I have a predisposition for it. Since then I had no other GF and hardly a one good friend. I kinda got over her in about 5 years, though I still try to pretend she doesn’t exist, avoid the area where her house is, avoid her family etc., just so that I’m not reminded. Unfortunately I developed other psychological problems since then, that’s why I’m still not really happy.

— drummyfish

4. Didn’t make a huge difference

Before 7/7, after 7/7. Life has been awesome and I just wanted someone to come along the journey with me. It’s a new way of doing things with another person and just as enjoyable.

— Kattaklysm

5. Don’t put your happiness in a relationship

Heres me.

Before: 7/10

Now: 7/10

Don’t put all your happiness into them, thats too much pressure on them. Which if they leave they’ll take it all with them.

— Reddstarrx

6. Being together has made things better

I had a lot of unwanted life changes right before due to failure to deal with some other stuff that still weighed on me, so I was probably 3/7 (problems aside, it was a really fun summer).

The first 10 months was probably 5/7 (top kek) because was long distance and I still had those problems.

The last few months of dating and the one month since I proposed are definitely 7/7. I still have to work out my life, but whatever happens, it’s going to happen together.

— noseonarug17

7. It didn’t fix anything

Before: -10 – 10/10

After: -10 – 10/10

I’m bipolar.

— mandrak93

8. Dating someone you can talk to helps

When I met my first girlfriend via Whisper, for the month that I was with her before I broke up with her, I was pretty happy. The usual crap that life normally throws at us was thrown, but it became more bearable because at the end of the day, I could always talk to her about it.

It was the first time I heard a girl say “I love you” to me as well, so that was something I’ll never forget.

I think looking back, while I was with her, I was more happier than usual, but I didn’t become depressed or anything after we parted.

Before: 4.5/7

After: 6/7

Now: 6/7

— TheAdventurousWriter

9. Dating someone doesn’t always make you happier

My fiancée is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. She is perfect for me. I wouldn’t trade knowing her for the world.

That doesn’t always mean I’m happier. She challenges me to be a better person, and calls me out on my shit. Being challenged on things and called on one’s shit is painful.

So happiness before meeting her: 1-5/7

Happiness after meeting her: 4-7/7

— roberthunicorn

10. It made me happier at first, but wore off

It was very validating at first. I’ve generally been well-liked but have had pretty awful luck with women. I got to experience mutual attraction finally, where a girl I thought was awesome was also super excited to be with me. Then as time went on, she seemed to grow less and less interested. We could go weeks without speaking to one another and she seemingly wouldn’t miss me. She dumped me when my feelings for her were really as strong as ever, but her feelings had waned. Now I have this insecurity that no one I get with will like me as much as I like her.

I also can’t relate to this notion of how great it is to be single because it means you can get a new hookup every weekend and make out with random people at parties. If I’m not in a relationship, I am getting no action whatsoever.

— Minnesota_Arouser

11. My relationship saved my life

  • Before gf: 1/7 (heading toward suicide, actually)
  • With gf: 8/7

I’ve never been happier, and I feel deeply fulfilled and capable now that I have someone to share life with and believe in.

— spadeNotSpade

12. Can help, but don’t expect miracles

The ability to know I could get a gf improved my happiness a lot more than any relationship I’ve ever been in. Relationships themselves are a lot of work and often more hassle than they’re worth for me personally.

  • Before gf: 4/7 – was lonely, insecure, etc.
  • During having a gf: 5/7 – felt desired, fit in with society, had sexytimes, but lots of extra stress comes with it too.
  • After having various gfs: 6/7 – I’m not gonna put my happiness level to the max because that’d be silly, but knowing I am desirable and have the ability to be attractive definitely helped improve my self-esteem and shit.

— GroovyEFS

13. Dating made me feel invincible

Before getting a girlfriend : 7/7

After getting a girlfriend : 10/7

I am perfectly happy as i am but when i’m in a relationship i just feel invincible.

— Arkhiel

14. Love doesn’t make you happy, being happy helps you find love

People think that happiness comes from finding love, but it’s usually the other way around, happy people tend to find love.

If you can find a way to be truly happy on your own, people will want to be a part of it.

Think about all your single friends, and how many you could say are happy with themselves on a deep level. The ones that are, probably have a lot of attention from girls. This is where the ‘just don’t give a fuck’ advice comes from. If a girl meets a cool guy who is happy with/without her, it’s much more attractive than a guy who is looking for a ‘savior’ to make him happy.

If I had to rate, it’d go something like this:

Single, unhappy, celibate: 3/7

Single, happier, not so celibate: 6/7

First few months of dating: 7/7

Rest of the three years with my gf: 5/7

First few months after we broke up: 4/7

Now, happy, not so celibate: 6/7

— Only1nDreams TC mark

Brittany Cox

Ontario real estate specialist. I write relationship advice, #GuysInsight, sex, and snark.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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