14 People Talk About Whether Finally Finding Love Actually Made Them Happier
By Brittany Cox
1. Happier, with caveats
Before: 2-3/7
After: 6/7
I don’t like that it’s like that, but it’s undeniable how much an effect having someone there for you has – someone to talk to on a daily basis, someone that cares about how you’re feeling, or what you’re up to. There’s just a time investment that people make in a relationship that outside of a relationship most people don’t want to make.
2. Being single is fun too
I love my girlfriend (now wife), but it has definitely highlighted how awesome being single was. It’s funny, I spent my single days longing for a significant other. I wouldn’t trade my life now for anything, but I never thought I’d look back on my single days with nostalgia.
3. The breakup was seriously hard
Here’s my story:
- before gf: 7/10
- gf: 10/10 – happiness
- no gf: 2/10 – depression
- 7 years later: 5/10
We were together for only 1 and a half year, a normal person would just get over her in half a year or so, though in me the breakup started bad depressions because I have a predisposition for it. Since then I had no other GF and hardly a one good friend. I kinda got over her in about 5 years, though I still try to pretend she doesn’t exist, avoid the area where her house is, avoid her family etc., just so that I’m not reminded. Unfortunately I developed other psychological problems since then, that’s why I’m still not really happy.
4. Didn’t make a huge difference
Before 7/7, after 7/7. Life has been awesome and I just wanted someone to come along the journey with me. It’s a new way of doing things with another person and just as enjoyable.
5. Don’t put your happiness in a relationship
Heres me.
Before: 7/10
Now: 7/10
Don’t put all your happiness into them, thats too much pressure on them. Which if they leave they’ll take it all with them.
6. Being together has made things better
I had a lot of unwanted life changes right before due to failure to deal with some other stuff that still weighed on me, so I was probably 3/7 (problems aside, it was a really fun summer).
The first 10 months was probably 5/7 (top kek) because was long distance and I still had those problems.
The last few months of dating and the one month since I proposed are definitely 7/7. I still have to work out my life, but whatever happens, it’s going to happen together.
7. It didn’t fix anything
Before: -10 – 10/10
After: -10 – 10/10
I’m bipolar.
8. Dating someone you can talk to helps
When I met my first girlfriend via Whisper, for the month that I was with her before I broke up with her, I was pretty happy. The usual crap that life normally throws at us was thrown, but it became more bearable because at the end of the day, I could always talk to her about it.
It was the first time I heard a girl say “I love you” to me as well, so that was something I’ll never forget.
I think looking back, while I was with her, I was more happier than usual, but I didn’t become depressed or anything after we parted.
Before: 4.5/7
After: 6/7
Now: 6/7
9. Dating someone doesn’t always make you happier
My fiancée is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. She is perfect for me. I wouldn’t trade knowing her for the world.
That doesn’t always mean I’m happier. She challenges me to be a better person, and calls me out on my shit. Being challenged on things and called on one’s shit is painful.
So happiness before meeting her: 1-5/7
Happiness after meeting her: 4-7/7
10. It made me happier at first, but wore off
It was very validating at first. I’ve generally been well-liked but have had pretty awful luck with women. I got to experience mutual attraction finally, where a girl I thought was awesome was also super excited to be with me. Then as time went on, she seemed to grow less and less interested. We could go weeks without speaking to one another and she seemingly wouldn’t miss me. She dumped me when my feelings for her were really as strong as ever, but her feelings had waned. Now I have this insecurity that no one I get with will like me as much as I like her.
I also can’t relate to this notion of how great it is to be single because it means you can get a new hookup every weekend and make out with random people at parties. If I’m not in a relationship, I am getting no action whatsoever.
11. My relationship saved my life
- Before gf: 1/7 (heading toward suicide, actually)
- With gf: 8/7
I’ve never been happier, and I feel deeply fulfilled and capable now that I have someone to share life with and believe in.
12. Can help, but don’t expect miracles
The ability to know I could get a gf improved my happiness a lot more than any relationship I’ve ever been in. Relationships themselves are a lot of work and often more hassle than they’re worth for me personally.
- Before gf: 4/7 – was lonely, insecure, etc.
- During having a gf: 5/7 – felt desired, fit in with society, had sexytimes, but lots of extra stress comes with it too.
- After having various gfs: 6/7 – I’m not gonna put my happiness level to the max because that’d be silly, but knowing I am desirable and have the ability to be attractive definitely helped improve my self-esteem and shit.
13. Dating made me feel invincible
Before getting a girlfriend : 7/7
After getting a girlfriend : 10/7
I am perfectly happy as i am but when i’m in a relationship i just feel invincible.
— Arkhiel
14. Love doesn’t make you happy, being happy helps you find love
People think that happiness comes from finding love, but it’s usually the other way around, happy people tend to find love.
If you can find a way to be truly happy on your own, people will want to be a part of it.
Think about all your single friends, and how many you could say are happy with themselves on a deep level. The ones that are, probably have a lot of attention from girls. This is where the ‘just don’t give a fuck’ advice comes from. If a girl meets a cool guy who is happy with/without her, it’s much more attractive than a guy who is looking for a ‘savior’ to make him happy.
If I had to rate, it’d go something like this:
Single, unhappy, celibate: 3/7
Single, happier, not so celibate: 6/7
First few months of dating: 7/7
Rest of the three years with my gf: 5/7
First few months after we broke up: 4/7
Now, happy, not so celibate: 6/7