Hooked up with a coworker and he only liked the most vanilla sex imaginable. He hated if I wanted a faster pace, didn’t want me to touch or kiss him at all once he was inside. He just wanted to put his penis inside me and let it marinate until he came.
Probably a guy that couldn’t get hard so he started humping my thigh and then when he did get hard just humped away for about thirty minutes and insisted he wanted to keep going because he wanted to cum. It was the second time having sex and to be honest I knew it wasn’t gonna happen.
So he finally gives up and when he pulls out the condom stayed inside me. When I took it out I was pissed and getting dressed quickly so I could leave, he told me that he was going to sleep and not gonna walk me out, and that I “should really really get the plan b pill”.
Back when I was a youngin’, I was bent over my bed getting fucked by this dude who had an oddly shaped penis. It felt great but I didn’t know yet that that position makes my vagina turn into a black hole of air that suddenly explodes at random. So as he is about to thrust back in, I queef. I started giggling, which then turned into an almost 10 minute nonstop queef.
Dude got dressed and left my bedroom and waited for me in the living room, I just sat there queefing and laughing at myself the whole time. He broke up with me the next day (He didn’t want to be with someone who did that) but I didn’t care because that was by far the most hilarious situation I’ve ever experienced.
This guy seemed like he was going to finger me but he just put his finger between my labia and started thrusting it like he had no idea there was a hole he was supposed to be finding. nowhere near my clit either. it was kinda sweet because i don’t think he had much experience and he was looking really serious and i was like whoo boy wait until you find out there’s a whole next level.
I was on acid and he was really drunk. After he put the condom on he could not for the life of him get it in. Like it took us both a good 8 minutes because he wouldn’t fucking scoot back and he kept trying it at weird angles. Then when he finally got it in, he took one deep thrust, and then pulled out and said “oh shit, I just got dizzy. I feel really lightheaded, I think I’m gonna go.” Then he grabbed his alcohol, put on his pants and left. And he never took the condom off either like what?? So I spent the rest of the night watching the ceiling move.
This happened two nights ago. My long-term boyfriend went down on me and it was amazing. Idk what it was, but I was ultra-relaxed. He’s gone down on me hundreds of times, but this time was just incredible. When I came, I was seeing stars it was so good.
Then he lost his balance and slipped…and he bit down on my clitoral hood. Just a tiny little spot. It hurt so fucking much. He freaked out and started crying because he’s never hurt me like that and fuck it hurt so much that I just started crying from the pain.
I’m laying there, splayed out and crying from pain and he’s literally in the corner of the room, ass naked, facing the wall and straight sobbing. “ARE YOU OKAY?? sniffles DO YOU NEED ME TO CHECK IT OUT?? ARE YOU BLEEDING?? DO YOU NEED A BAND-AID (lmao)?? WHAT DO I DO??”
I checked it out and I was just swollen and bruised. After much reassurance and hugs, all was well. The pain subsided after a few minutes, but nothing else.
‘Twas a night to remember, that’s for damn sure!
Probably with an ex who always wanted to receive but not give. The one time he consented to going down on me, I had shaved really good and washed really good. He took two licks, made a disgusted face like a kid who hates vegetables and refused to do more. I was so angry and it was such a blow to my self esteem. Having been with people since who have loved going down on me, I’ve gotten my confidence back. But I’ll never forget that look on his face.
A guy I shagged on his (!) blow up air mattress when I was younger. He had the craziest fucking look in his eye that was unsettling and he just kept thrusting jack hammer style. Not only was his technique bad, but he managed to look creepy in bed!
I left at 3am and drove home crying, he thought we had the most amazing time and was parading around his house all in love (his housemate and me are friends). He then sent way too many FB and text messages, until finally fucking off.
The worst sex I had was with a military guy. We hooked up and he just laid there. I mean, seriously, he did absolutely nothing–no thrusting, no nothing. He didn’t even touch me. It was really weird. He thought it was awesome and tried to call me several more times.
So he immediately asked me after we attempted several positions (none of which worked & one which made me bust out laughing b/c it was ridiculous and i have no idea where he picked that position up) if i had been molested/sexually abused in the past.
I don’t know how he got that from our sexual incompatibility and even if you did think that, why would you even broach that kind of topic right after??? we didn’t last long.
Worst as in how I felt: Slept with an ex, thinking I had forgiven him. I hadn’t deep down, and I almost threw up. Lied that I thought I was catching a cold and left. Haven’t really spoken to him since.
Worst as in physical experience: Had sex with a girl who was the complete opposite of me in terms of how to get us to orgasm. Both of us were so baffled by each other’s bodies that we just kind of patted at each other for an hour. I kept accidentally being too rough and causing her pain, and she kept trying to be rough enough that I could feel it. She couldn’t really grasp the difference between “firm pressure” and “injury” because her own preference was to only be touched with the lightest of fingertips. I ended up extremely not in the mood, bruised, and trying to fend off her insistence that we’d get better at it (I feel like sex that begins at the level of “repeatedly injuring each other” is not going to rise to great heights with practice).
Oh dear haha. I consented but regretted it instantly when he started fucking my thighs thinking he was inside me. Thankfully he came quickly.
There was this one guy I call fish sex. Not as in dead fish, but live fish. It was like someone took a live fish out of the water and threw it on top on me. He was all sweaty, flailing and flopping around, and gasping for air. I didn’t know what to do, I just prayed it would be over soon, it wasn’t, the fish sex lasted for at least half an hour. I never called him again.
1st time with new guy, he puked on my stomach. Or the time I was really drunk and tried to be sexy while being on top and leaning back, lost balance and fell off the bed backwards ending up on the floor naked like a starfish having to pretend it didnt hurt
It was the first time with an ex a few years ago. He was extremely good-looking and sweet, so I was more than happy to get the sexy time rolling. He wanted to role play, which is fine, but I was a little thrown off since it was the first time and all. We sat on the edge of the bed and he pretended I give him road head. He had his hands on the “wheel” and everything.
After that, we get to foreplay for me. He goes down on me, but it’s like he’s trying to suck the entire lower half of my body into his mouth. No focused attention anywhere, just sloppy licking everywhere.
Well, after I thought it couldn’t get much worse, it did. He folds me in half like a rag doll and starts eating my ass likes it’s his last meal. I was in shock and let this go on for much longer than necessary. After about a minute or two I scoot back, say I need to go to the bathroom, and sit in the bathroom for the next fifteen minutes sobbing into a towel.
Micropenis. I was sure they were a myth until then. No warning about it or anything. I tried to just go with it, but he didn’t do anything for me and I didn’t get any pleasure out of the experience.
I met a guy from Craigslist when in London for the day. We’d swapped numbers after a few emails and arranged to meet. He met me at the tube station, grabbed my hand, and awkwardly speed-walked me to his place. He said his housemates were out for a few hours. His room was a dump, smelt like whatever food he’d eaten (the plate was on the floor). He walked into his room and took off all his clothes, put on a condom and laid down face up on the bed just like waiting for me.
I’m way too polite so pulled my tights off and lifted up my skirt and climbed on. He had to use his hand to push his small, mostly flaccid dick into me. I moved up and down (carefully, so the awkward floppy penis wouldn’t fall out) and tried to fake pleasure, whilst he just laid there, hands behind his head, just looking down at our genitals, smiling, without actually looking up at me.
After a couple of minutes, I faked an orgasm then looked at the clock and told him I had to go (making it sound like I really wanted to stay). I quickly got up and put my tights back on and he asked for my name. I told him the first fake name that came to my head, Daisy, and left. Spent the rest of the day shopping on Oxford Street to take my mind off how awful my first Craigslist encounter had been, and later that day got a text saying ‘hey Maisy I hope u had fun;) let me know when u wanna come back for more’ Considering I’d told him my (fake) name was daisy and he couldn’t even get that right, it’s safe to say I never did and never will go back for more!