18 Men Talk About What It’s Like To Date A Girl Who Doesn’t Love Herself



Exhausting. At least when it’s a true state of self-hate.

It’s like your love for them bounces off like rubber. No matter how good you are to them and show your love, they won’t stop thinking and acting in ways that are ultimately negative for most relationships.

For me personally, these kinds of relationships never lasted long. I’m supportive, but I can’t be a doormat to issues that never are attempted to be resolved.

— CardinalsFanatic


Just so frustrating and emotionally draining as everything you do for them gets thrown back at you. Presumed their self-confidence would improve over time… It didn’t. Would run a mile before going through that again.

— aljones27


You pour out your love trying to fill them up, but they have a hole in their love bucket and you both wind up empty. Broke up after 5 years.

— shadowcentaur


I’m in a 10 year relationship with a girl who hates herself.

She’s incapable of accepting my affection or praise, and she believes she’s unworthy of being better, so doesn’t care about bettering herself. We have a dead bedroom because she feels so unsexy she refuses.

She won’t diet, exercise, or work on making more money or saving.

It’s exhausting, alright…and it’s hardest because I still love her,and don’t want to leave, but don’t know how much longer I can handle it.

— 200PercentHonest


Suffocating. You spend so much emotional energy trying to convince her she’s a great/worthwhile person, and yet she never quite believes you.

— LouBrown


It’s fucking awful. Everything is taken negatively. Playful banter, constructive criticism, asking for what you like in bed, all of these things are interpreted as one thing: I’m not good enough.

0/10 would rather slam my balls in a sliding glass door.

— Omadon1138


Tiring and generally without reward.

— Clyde_Died


Like hitting my head against a wall. Any sort of negativism is a instant turnoff imo.

— GustavoM


Awful. Would never do it again. I’m not here to be your entire world and make you happy at all times.

— keanex


Terrible. I’m a firm believer in helping those who help themselves. I believe this because of an ex who didn’t love herself, even a little.

I had an ex who always talked down about her self, said she hated her appearance, her figure, her body, her talents, her everything. At first, I thought she was self-deprecating, maybe fishing for a compliment. It wasn’t until later on that things got ugly.

She had a bit of a rough childhood, grew up poor, and didn’t have any good men in her life. Her previous relationships ended in abuse, and she carried this with her. Every attempt at loving her and showing her how great she was ultimately ended in an emotionally charged fight, her hurling insults and abuse at me, and me trying to figure out how to help her.

We lasted a few months, and it ended with her dumping me and then cheating on me with a physically abusive ex. That messed me up for a long time, and it took me years until I got my head right.

By the time I met my wife, I was finally comfortable in my own skin, and met an amazing woman who was comfortable in hers.

If the man, woman, both, or other you are with doesn’t love themselves, at least a little bit, RUN. Get the fuck outta there. It’s okay if they have things they don’t like about themselves, but if they don’t like anything, leave money on the table for dinner and cab fare, and leave. Don’t even explain yourself, just say, “you should get an Uber” and go.

— cleric3648


Pretty terrible and taxing. Whenever you try to cheer them up or get them out their depressed state with words you truly mean, like they are beautiful and you do love them. Their mind truly tries its hardest to dismiss or reject that.

God forbid you are too tired to meet up with or have sex with a girl that truly doesn’t love herself, that is one of the worst personal affronts to them. On top of them already basically feeling not desired even though you constantly tell them otherwise you basically gave her more fuel to prove her right.

One of the weirdest side effects I did not expect is as a result it brought me down most of the time and even now years after my relationship with her it still gets to me sometimes.

— Rarelyrare


Rewarding when you break through and she accepts what you’re saying. But difficult.

— outline01


A fucking chore

And ultimately not something I can fix. So I will probably not stay with someone like that, almost makes it a self fulfilling prophecy

— smpl-jax


It’s awful.

  • She began to shower less often than anyone would consider normal. I’m talking days…
  • She put on so much weight she needed to buy new clothes
  • She didnt even wear the new clothes since she hardly ever left the house
  • While in the house she would always wear this hideous pink cotton robe
  • Talking to her was difficult
  • Getting her to laugh was impossible
  • She began to abuse ambien; staying up after she took the medicine to “enjoy” the high
  • She lost her job
  • She didnt try to find a new one
  • She stopped talking to my family
  • She stopped talking to her own

And all of this just describes the final 12 months of our marriage. I had to leave her. By supporting her I was enabling her. It was for her own good…and my own.

— youreallmeatanyway


I’m going through one of these relationships right now and I just constantly feel exhausted. No matter what you do, or how often, it never registers. All of that effort goes unrecognized and she makes it seem like you never do anything.

— TheActualAtlas


I suppose I have a different opinion than most I’ve read here. I will agree, it is lost impossible to properly love anyone who does not love themselves. At the same time, there are pieces of shit like me that thrive on this.

I can’t make you happy forever or possibly even for very long! Although, these situations and people can provide for an exciting and tumultuous ride.

I have no interest in a long term relationship, so there short spurts of insanity and loss of self can be very enjoyable and good for the short term as long as it is what you are seeking.

We are all broken in a way, sometimes these broken parts, when combined, can hold the weight of the structure.

— alpasa04


I agree with what most guys here are saying. But it’s all focused on the negative. To give some perspective on the actual range from negative to positive, there may come moments when it seems like you’ve gotten through.

Moments when she actually visibly lights up inside, even if it’s just a flicker. To see those moments happen inside a woman you love is indescribable. I’d bleed for those moments. But they’re still not worth it if she can’t help herself into real progress.

— jmteraberry


Like trying to put out a grease fire. They won’t accept a compliment, constantly ask why you’re with them, the sex is usually awful if it’s even existent, and they usually dress like they’re 90 years old. Although I can’t complain because I’m terribly insecure myself.

— drinkthebleach Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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