12 Sex Workers Explain The Difference Between Banging For Cash And Banging For Love

Flickr / Yellow Girl Follow
Flickr / Yellow Girl Follow


I was essentially a long-term escort (I’d see the same guy every week for months). Since I was always seeing the same guys, I was able to develop business relationships as opposed to romantic ones.

I’d say the biggest difference is the lack of ability to get comfortable with the other person. One guy would stay the night with me in hotels and I would wait for him to fall asleep to take my makeup off and wake up before him to put it back on, even after knowing him for months. I wanted him to get what he was paying for, which was me being made up and looking nice all the time.

Something surprising I guess would be how nice the guys were. I was never asked to do anything out of my comfort zone and was always treated like a queen. Even the men that would just get a hotel too to bang in for a few hours would always get up and get e a washcloth after we did the deed, stayed to chat for a bit, and usually gave me a gift as well as cash.

— 0P055UM


The biggest difference is whether or not I can relax. My boyfriend would never try to gag me or switch holes or pinch me, but the men who would pay me didn’t care. I used to be so tense during sex that I’d be sooo tight. It was very uncomfortable. There were positions I’d refuse to do because I wasn’t about to get a bruised cervix or get torn behind again.

It’s so different now. My boyfriend loves me, I feel so safe. I can do things like put my ankles on his shoulders or close my eyes.

Sometimes, my boyfriend will accidentally hit my cervix too hard or sometimes nothing even triggers it it just happens, but I get really anxious and panicky like I did with the guys who paid me. I cry so much and he always says he doesn’t mind but I feel guilty for it.

I wish I had never done it. I don’t know why I ever said it was easy money, it fucked me up pretty bad.

— ParadiseSold


I was a prostitute through craigslist over my student years and also a sugar baby (male here).

Sex is pretty different as it’s just part of the role without intimacy, although you can still enjoy both the act itself and the ‘job well done’ feeling, believe it or not!

If you get on well with a repeat client they can almost become friends, with a sugar daddy, there’s genuine liking there on a rapport level.

— HouseDownTheStreet


There is a lot about it that you wouldn’t expect, particularly understanding the mindset of the sugar daddies- it’s not just about paying for sex it’s about intimacy and feeling close to someone too.

I had a younger SD (35) when I was 26, so in a lot of ways it was very similar to a traditional relationship. We went on dates that didn’t involve sex (although it was part of our relationship, just not every time we saw each other), and I was able to go to fancy restaurants and events that I never could of afforded myself. The way he described it to me was imagine that you’ve worked really hard to become successful in your field. That has been your primary focus throughout your twenties and now you’ve finally reached a point where you don’t have to worry about money. My SD worked in finance and was pulling in close to a million a year and had been for about five years before I met him. He said at first it was amazing and he bought himself nice cars, multiple houses, took trips, basically bought everything he wanted for himself.

But after that he started to get really lonely and realized that there weren’t any material items he wanted that he didn’t already have, and that what he really wanted was someone to spend time with when he wasn’t working. Hence becoming a SD. The perks for him are more than just sex, it’s also having someone consistently in your life but who has the understanding that you wont be able to see each other all the time. He said he had a hard time having a traditional relationship because being so busy with work meant he couldn’t commit the time that a relationship needed, with a sugar baby that is part of the understanding.

— throwaway167532


Anyway, I had a sugar daddy. He was in his late 40s. The best thing about sex with him was that he made me feel like I was something special. People my own age tend to play it cool and act uninterested, but sex with him was very passionate and very quick, and I always walked away feeling very desired, so there was no shame involved in it at all, from my end.

The price of success, for him, was that he couldn’t hold down a relationship because of how much he travels. So when it was time for him to move to his next job, he asked me if I would drop it all to be his ‘manager’. He would have paid me a hell of a lot of money, and I would have joined him on trips to the most amazing places, which he takes all of the time. It was really the life that I spent my time wishing I had, but when it was on the table, I couldn’t give up my education, friends and family for some luxury. So, I turned him down.

The time before the last time we met, he told me that he gets people things all the time, but nobody ever gets him anything. We couldn’t sit down outside or go to a shop without people asking for photos or making comments or whatever, and in private, he was filled with sadness and needed someone who would give to him genuinely. The last time we met was the day before he was leaving to wherever he was going next, alone. We had a ritual of going out for drinks, dinner, then sex, but the last time, I decided to bring some stuff to make cocktails and we stayed in, I made pasta, and we watched TV instead of doing something expensive or fancy. I initiated sex that night (something I never do with sugar daddies) and gave him a little something personal at the end.

I guess that relationship made me re-evaluate what I wanted from my life, so I quit all the sex stuff and got a minimum wage job cold calling people while I finished my degree.

— lllllllllllllllllsq


I actually signed up for a sugar daddy site as research for an article I was writing, and kind of got sucked in. When you’re broke and young, the idea of getting paid for “work” you’re doing anyway sounds damn good. The first man I met with didn’t work out. We didn’t have any chemistry, so the sex was pretty blah and it only happened once. The second was only a few years older than me and it was just straight prostitution. He seemed to get off on handing me wads of cash after sex. But then he wanted to date and I wasn’t interested so I called it off.

The third guy though. He was 24 years older than me, not bad looking but not mind blowingly hot, and sort of soft the way middle aged men get. I was pretty apprehensive about whether it was going to be another no go. I was so wrong. Best sex I’ve ever had, hands down, and definitely taught me some kinks I didn’t know I had. We saw each other off and on for 3 years, even after the economy tanked and he couldn’t afford to pay me. By that time, I loved him – not really in a romantic way, but still. There was a lot of affection between us and we spent as much time bullshitting as we did having sex. I only stopped seeing him when I met my now-ex husband, and that was the end of that particular career

— frickineh


I’m a camgirl and I have a sort of arrangement with one of my longtime best customers where we meet up once every week or 2, go out to eat or and/or go shopping and have sex, he throws me some cash and continues to spend lots of money on me on cam so it’s very beneficial for me. Plus he is a super cool dude and I actually like spending time with him.

I would say the thing that might surprise people is that I don’t ever feel degraded or shitty about myself for doing it. When I was younger I dated guys in my personal life that treated me like absolute garbage and I got nothing emotionally or fiscally out of it. This guy listens to me, is kind, gracious, just is really one of the nicest people I’ve ever been with. I feel like people who aren’t involved in the sex industry would tend to get all judge-y and regard this kind of relationship as debasing when it has proven to be exactly the opposite. We both get what we need out of it and we have affection and mutual respect for each other, which is maybe not as common in traditional relationships where money isn’t a factor as people would like to believe.

— bbc4kez


I’ve been escorting for a number of years now, mostly as a courtesan (though that’s just semantics and keeps prices up, I refer to myself as a prostitute). My clients are usually regulars, typically older men (very few women) and very wealthy. They pay for a whole experience with me so subterfuge is sort of part of the deal. I sometimes orgasm with them and the sex can be enjoyable but it doesn’t have to be; not that the client would ever know because all the sex is the best sex ever. It’s about their fantasy and their pleasure and what I think of whatever’s going down doesn’t really matter.

I never host, only outcalls, and no bookings under 2 hours so nothing is spontaneous or unplanned. No client of mine has ever seen me without make up, I never sleep (as in actually sleep) with a client and I don’t ever drop whatever facade it is they’re paying for.

That’s probably the biggest difference. A client buys an experience that’s discussed beforehand and very rarely deviates from our arranged scenario. Sex with my boyfriend is different in that he just gets an unfiltered, real version of me. Sometimes I orgasm, sometimes I don’t, we try stuff and if I don’t enjoy it, it’s not happening again, etc.

At the end of the day, though, it’s just sex, really.

— LDN_Escort


The biggest difference is that you have to always enjoy the sex when you are getting paid. Like “yes that feels amazing licking my armpit”. Don’t get me wrong I can get past some stuff and I can enjoy the sex for myself.

I had a boyfriend before I started working and he wold never eat me out. I’d asked him why and he would tell me it’s not his thing. Fine whatever. Even before I started working the guys I slept with would never eat me out. It’s just not their thing. It wasn’t until I started working. Men would eat me out. And it feels amazing!! I no longer have a boyfriend but I’m fine with that. I feel that some of the sex I have with my clients was better then having sex with my ex and I’m getting paid on top of it! BTW I’m a woman don’t mind the username.

— SirLancelotTheBanana


You still can climax but it’s not fulfilling and though you become numb some moments are absolutely horrifying. Seeing yourself outside of yourself. Knowing that life has brought you to that point simply for money. I spent most of my sugar baby days imagining my current boyfriend.

Hardest part for me is being in love now and not making money. The sex is absolutely intoxicating but I don’t make 500 dollars every time. Being a sugar baby has changed what sex is to me and sometimes I regret it deeply for that reason. I can deal with the shame however the urge to be compensated is frustrating. Also, having sex as a job did over stimulate me. I found myself disinterested and overwhelmed by all the faking I had to perform. No matter how much you love something… when it becomes a job it can very well become a chore.

If anyone is reading this and considering it please give it extensive thought. I always want to abandon being in love because I know that I could hook up with a rich man a few times a month and get a free car and apartment and it hinders my relationships. Life isn’t all about money.

— yokohoeno


This is going to sound odd, but I’m far more affectionate during sex with sugar daddies than I am with my boyfriend. Many older men want a sugar baby because they feel lonely – their relationships have fizzled out and their children have grown up and moved away. So they turn to sugar babies not just to satisfy their sex drive, but to fulfil their need for intimacy and affection. When I have sex with a sugar daddy, therefore, my goal is to make him feel like I’m almost in love with him (as well as make him cum harder than he’s ever cum in his life). It’s far more gentle, there’s a lot more kissing involved and my focus is 100% on his desires – but I do frequently orgasm from this kind of sex.

Things are different with younger sugar daddies (under 40) – they often do want sex more than affection. It seems like the only reason they want a sugar baby rather than an escort is because there’s less stigma involved, so sex with them is more of a performance. When I’m with them, my focus is on being sexy as hell rather than loving and attentive. The sex is messier and kinkier – although so far I’ve never had anyone with any “out-there” fetishes, it’s mostly light-moderate BDSM and anal. It’s much more interesting, but I’ve never had my own orgasm from it. Sometimes there’s post-sex cuddling, sometimes they want space. Almost every sugar daddy I’ve spoken to is dominant in the bedroom.

Sex with my boyfriend is usually due to lust (because he is fine as hell) so it tends to be quicker and rougher. Rather than having to reassure him of my enjoyment and enthusiasm all the time, I can focus on myself more.

The most surprising thing? I orgasm more from sex with sugar daddies than with my boyfriend. Contrary to what people think, there is genuinely a lot of affection between me and my sugar daddy, and he wants to make me feel good as much as he wants to feel good himself. They have more experience and more patience than guys my age, so even though I’m less physically attracted to them, they know exactly what to do and don’t mind persevering.

— cygnenoire


Former camgirl, and currently a pro cuddler (who dabbles in escorting on my off days)! Camming was iffy. I was never that good at it. My knees would hurt from sitting, or my internet would lag, also my camera is shitty. But I had a few regulars. Mostly just wanted to talk to me while I was in my bikini. Nice to talk about my interests!

Pro cuddling isn’t sex work, but it is intimate. People really open up, and you have to love them in order to make them feel comfortable. They are not going to relax if I am standoffish and cold.

Escorting is similar. Yes, some people just want to get laid, but mostly I see people who are figuring things out for themselves. They want someone, but they don’t know who. Or they are having confidence issues, and can’t do it with their partner. For me it isn’t just pay me x amount and we go do whatever for an hour. I want you to feel better emotionally and physically when you leave. It is about making you a better person (well and making money!).

— VioletViola Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog