1. You know what you want.
Going into the night, you know whether you are thinking of this as a one-night hookup or whether it is a part of a relationship with someone. There is no ambiguity about what type of sex you are having, and you aren’t going to wonder about whether you’re going to be falling asleep together afterwards or not. Especially for your first time, putting yourself in a situation where you have not internally “defined the relationship” inside your own mind could add stress to something that should be super fun.
2. You feel at ease with your choice.
You are having sex because you want to. You aren’t having second thoughts, and you aren’t reluctant. You have made your choice, and you are ready to roll.
3. You don’t feel pressured.
Likewise, your first time should never be the result of pressure from a partner or from your friends. Resist peer pressure and let the process work on your timetable, and your timetable only. If you find yourself thinking, “I need to have sex because everyone else is…” or “My boyfriend REALLY wants me to…” think again. This choice needs to be all about you.
4. You aren’t going to be in danger
Okay, common sense, but make you your surroundings are safe and comfortable. Avoid somewhere public or uncomfortable — unless you think you’re into that.
5. You aren’t at risk of breaking any laws
Going along with that, make sure you are all clear on the legal front. If you or him are under 18, make sure you know the consent laws in your state / country — it can vary, and you could end up in some serious trouble if you don’t toe the line.
6. You aren’t making a decision “in the moment”
You should give yourself time and space with this. Don’t feel like you are “in the moment” and have to decide to bang if you aren’t ready — this is especially true if you have been drinking a lot.
7. You don’t feel “obligated” to do it.
Don’t ever feel like you owe someone sex. A boyfriend that won’t wait for you to be ready is a boyfriend that should be an ex. You NEVER owe anybody sex, no matter how much dinner cost.
8. You feel comfortable with the person you are sleeping with.
Be with someone for your first time that you trust. Someone you know respects you and will treat you kindly. He doesn’t have to be a boyfriend, just a genuinely good guy.
9. You’re horny
Like, go for it!