Let me be completely upfront about one thing. I am an over analyzer who has
simultaneously sabotaged opportunities of all kinds, while stressing myself out over imaginary circumstances that have actually never happened (and probably will never happen) in real life.
You can relate? Okay, great. Now, let me be upfront about another thing. Living, in order to be “happy” is fucking difficult. It’s the personal work that you must do, but don’t get paid for that completely throws me for a loop. We’re all in search of that one person or that one thing that will change everything.
Yet, we read all of these self-help books, delve into creativity or if you’re a career-oriented person, make a lot of money to throw around because that means there are bigger opportunities just to obtain more stuff (and do more things).
I also know there’s the whole buddhist lifestyle which, i’m all for in theory, but if you’re someone like me who’s reading this and honestly knows it’s unrealistic to give yourself up to a lifestyle such as this one, you know that won’t equate to happiness, either. Then, there’s the very real expectations of finding that one person that we hope will save us from ourselves. That one person that will take us into another dimension of life after we’ve got our shit together on the surface (career, house, self-esteem, etc). I’m not afraid to say that dating is horrible. It is horrendous.
When it’s good, it’s amazing but let’s face it. The good stuff is few and far between and until you get to that point, it’s totally contradictory. How is it contradictory? Well, you’re supposed to put yourself out there yet when you do, the person of interest simply wants to use you for your body and you’ll never hear from them again.
So, now you’re supposed to handle yourself as if you don’t care, yet you want to scream in their face because, OF COURSE you do. Then, the person NOT of interest is interested, and you’re all about, well, not them. You are in love and are with the person you think you’re going to marry, but lo and behold it is the WRONG time to be with them. You aren’t in a place where you’re ready to settle.
Now, they’ve moved on and you have to see them on social media being all happy without you. They probably never even remotely thought of you in the way you thought about them, either. Anyway, I got rid of social media. I only keep it for business purposes. However, I still suffer the consequences because I am literally the last person to find anything out. It’s like your existence is questioned if you are not on Facebook, updating your status. Also, you are boring and are going nowhere because you didn’t update the last cool place (with a cool sign) that you went to, on Instagram.
I also feel pathetic to admit that I still get that nauseous, immediate drop in your stomach when I see the profile picture of my ex with his new girlfriend. I’ll give you another scenario. You meet the man you’re supposed to be with only they’re with someone else. He’s married (hypothetically speaking, of course). Ugh.
Dating is kind of like going to the mall (in my eyes, at least). Going to the mall is super stressful and quite honestly, makes me so fucking dizzy. The good, on-sale stuff is few and far between but until you make it there, you’re walking around like a chicken without a head, justifying to yourself everything you need (and you know you don’t really need anything. You just want stuff, of course). This can be applied to anything you do, really.
It’s the outfit that you buy and the way you do your makeup for that night out with your friends (hoping to meet your prince/princess for life) that will ultimately make you happy, right? It’s the excessive studying for your state test that you need to pass (and score high, on) in order to get into the program that will lead you towards the dream career.
Then you’ll be happy, right? It’s the same night out with your friends that you want to use to get totally fucked up from the stressful week you’ve just endured fulfilling your moral (or so you think) and societal obligations. Then, you’ll be sure to strike that happy balance of going from being totally stressed, to undoing all cognizant wits about you, to being extremely hung over the next day.
Then, you’ll be happy, right? It’s being in a routine and attaining the successful job, the significant other, the division of all of the assets while having a great support system around you that will make you feel complete, right? Or maybe you’re the person who sits at starbucks who’s totally happy drawing on blank sheets of paper all of the people you see walking by. Maybe you just want to sit in the park and write a song because no matter what, you know it’s your moral obligation to finish a creative story; the betterment of mankind depends on it. If you’re someone like me, an over-analyzer of all sorts, you’ll already have learned what it means to live in the moment but can’t seem to help but overanalyze what each and every one of those moments mean in the grand scheme of your path, or your “personal legend” whom Paulo Coelho, my favorite author, likes to call it.
You lived in the moment while at the same time, got married to the love of your life and then not even a year later that spouse of yours, passes away from some freak accident. Better yet, they want a divorce. Then, life continues to move. It’s as if life doesn’t even care about what you just went through and will not stop to wait for you to make sense of it and honestly, I think that’s precisely the point. Time isn’t of the essence because time really doesn’t exist.
Maybe there’s just no sense to be made. It’s hard work and achievements that make you humble; in turn, being humble means being able to appreciate the moments along with the trees that sway as you stop to immerse yourself in the vision of them. Maybe memory is our biggest villain and moments are our allies. Maybe self destruction is misconception and mixed signals are lessons, learned. Maybe we delve into our passions and do that with all of our hearts, wherever we can because that means we’re speaking to the universe while allowing life to flow the way it needs to.
Maybe, just maybe when you take on the stress of the world, it actually hinders the potential of not only yourself, but others around you. Maybe we are all praising and worshiping the same person, just with different words in a different language, entirely. Maybe if we just believe in the heart of a human can we judge them, accordingly. Maybe education is the answer to a boundless mind.
Maybe us over analyzers can finally draw the conclusion that these side effects are more of a blessing in the way we live our lives and the world can learn a thing or two, from us. In all honesty, I don’t think there’s any one person that’s happier than the next. There is such thing as confidence and being secure in your every move, but I also don’t think there’s any one of us who’s more confident than the other, either. If you think there are, I’m convinced it’s a persona and that’s the only thing I’m absolutely certain of.
Maybe the world needs us over analyzers in order to shift its own thinking and make people see beyond the horizon, or maybe they need us to believe in something that isn’t just a mirage. I think these side effects from a medicine that only the brave are willing to take, are set in our minds for a reason. No matter what kind of different routines we abide by during the day, it is our moral obligation to stay true to our over analysis of life. It is our duty to see things from every angle and make the decision, whether we continue to worry about it way after the fact, or not.