I always struggled with anxiety. I struggled heavily, might I add. It was only up until recent years that I’ve come to terms that I needed help, because it was beyond my control.
Having it “beyond my control” was something I sincerely struggled with realizing. It was a truth I’d look to suppress, all day every day. The more people I spoke to about it, the more they looked at me like I had seven heads. You may think, “well, why?” but honestly, it gave many people permission to look at my situation and think, “it’s sad she doesn’t have control over her own behavior.” It’s human nature to take other’s struggles and use them as a distraction from your own insecurities, and that was exactly what was happening with me.
Medication is something that many people seem to be against, and although I used to be one of those people, I’m not anymore. I don’t find there being ANY reason to be ashamed of taking medication. Let’s face it, most of you aren’t a scientist or a doctor, and don’t know the chemistry that goes on inside each of our brains. If you are a doctor and/or scientist, then you’d probably be able to support me on this.
If you’re someone who struggles with anxiety, then you’d know it’s very easy to look for a consistent vice to keep yourself sane. Luckily for me, my vice was always wine and nothing more. I’m not suggesting alcohol is any better than any other drug, but wine in moderation is not bad at all. In fact, it has more healthy benefits than you realize. Coping with my anxious state consisted of running out of my house, making excuses to drive anywhere and everywhere, and going out with my friends. Going out meant drinking, too.
However, it might be different for you. You might cope and look to escape in a much more excessive manner. With all of this in mind, it’s mind-boggling and gut wrenching to think that ANYONE would criticize you going on medication. The first step is to consult with a doctor whom you TRUST, and let them guide you to the proper dosage and medication that will not only balance the chemistry in your brain, but it will change your entire lifestyle and perspective. I promise you that. Take if from me. I’ve been through it.
Anxiety is a mental HABIT, so although the medication will ease your actions and reactions, it does not mean you will not seek the same routine for a while, while you are adjusting to the meds. The thing is, is that after a while, your routine is muscle memory. Habits are muscle memory, and before you can make drastic changes to your every day life, you need to change the way you FEEL about them. This is something I’ve learned in due time. It’s surreal to be outside of your own body, and realize how different you would have reacted before you took CONTROL of your LIFE. You suddenly realize that before you courageously took the step to change everything, you were so engrossed in your anxiety-ridden-bubble.
It’s also very ironic that the critic’s who look at you as if you don’t know how to take control of your life, don’t realize that by getting help is doing JUST THAT. I think that by being vulnerable, and coming to a place that you realize you need assistance in your journey is quite a powerful experience. It’s also an out of body experience and you’re able to see yourself from an angle you might have never seen before. This is CRUCIAL for your growth, and for the rest of your life.
Don’t be afraid. Don’t suppress your emotions. Don’t shy away from the real issues. If you are searching for a sign, take this as one. You got this.