Don’t Text Me During The Day

Don’t text me during the day. We’ve only been loosely seeing each other for five months. I say “loosely” because we’ve seen each other 10 or 12 times since we first met and each time has been after midnight when both of us are sufficiently inebriated because that’s when we’re OK with texting each other.

We met around 2:30am in a club on the Lower East Side. I’m not sure what made us meet – who spoke to who first or what our first words were to each other, but I remember us laughing. Really laughing in a way that sobered both of us up because we were surprised by how much we genuinely enjoyed the company of a stranger at 2:30am in a club on the Lower East Side. We took some shots.

You told me you wrote a famous pop song. I didn’t believe you. Sarcastically, I quipped, “Oh, yea? I wrote TiK ToK. That’s weird.” And you laughed and asked your entourage to convince me that you were who you said you were. I still didn’t believe you, or them, but more importantly, I remember that I just didn’t care.

It’s been about five months now and we’ve slowly graduated from hanging out in clubs (although, we still do that) to hanging out in friends’ apartments, or your apartment since I live at home with my parents. We still only meet after midnight and after both of us have had many drinks with our respective friend groups. When we meet up, we kiss, we dance the way I want to dance, which means goofily, almost like we’re in the 50s, and appropriately mime the lyrics of songs like “Empire State of Mind” or Katy Perry’s “Hot and Cold”, and we talk about our friends, and what makes us laugh. We laugh. A lot. We share a special humor that we don’t share with anyone but our closest friends. You tell me bed time stories, we cuddle, I stay through the night, but we’ve never slept together.

We’ve never hung out sober or before midnight. After inhibiting my tragically romantic Piscean instincts, I managed to convince myself that I’m OK with us being this way. We both have unpredictable working hours and I don’t need another person to pencil into my schedule the last few months before I go off to law school. You’re trying to seriously pursue a music career and you’ve already tasted what it is to make it big, which has left an insatiable appetite for more. And I want that for you because who wouldn’t? You’re talented and driven and you’re almost there. Why spend the rare free time you have being sober and with someone whose place in your life you’re uncertain of? Why go through the stress of making yourself vulnerable or becoming attached? It doesn’t make sense and you don’t have the time.

But now, you’re texting me during the day and when you’re sober. Don’t do that. Because after ignoring my many requests to hang out before midnight and before getting drunk, I’ve accepted that you can’t and/or don’t want to date me. Knowing this fact has enabled me to be my complete self around you and fearless about what I do, say, and wear when I’m with you. I’ve never felt so careless around someone because I know I have nothing to lose.

So don’t text me with questions about my family or friends. Don’t text me your sober thoughts on dreams and nightmares and that you want to someday take me to the Bronx Zoo (we both know you don’t mean it, and if you do, you’ll never find the time to make it happen, plus, I don’t like zoos). Don’t text me that you’re in the recording studio with two Geminis because you know I dabble in astrology and have a particular affinity for that sign, which you, of course, happen to be. We can’t have the kinds of conversations that I have with people whose voices and intonations I can hear through the texts, or whose facial expressions I can visualize while reading the words. I don’t know these things about you because I only remember fragments of the drunken moments we share at night.

So don’t text me during the day because then you’re implicitly saying our relationship is not purely alcohol based and doesn’t only exist when the sun’s not out. I’m sorry for putting what we are into a box but I have to do it because gray doesn’t work for me. I can handle seeing you after midnight and after a few tequila shots. I can handle sobering up a little when we actually meet, and having the kind of fun with you I want to have with someone who would be my boyfriend. We’re perfect just the way we are. Just don’t text me during the day. TC mark

image – Gunnar Bothner-By

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  • http://twitter.com/CarmellaOsborne Carmella Osborne

    *applauds*

  • Anonymous

    Texting after day drinking is okay though, right?

  • http://twitter.com/amiegurl Amie Perez

    Kinda sad, but happens to the best of us.

  • CL

    This is good, one can let things be what they are, no need to force them to be something else for poorly-understood reasons.

  • guest

    what is the person was trying to make it something else?

  • Anonymous

    ta.gg/5jo

  • Kimmitchell 11

    Brilliant

  • crumbcake10

    so pure

  • Guest

    My whole reading of this changed after the part about you trying to “take it to the next level” was earlier rebuffed. For a little while you sounded kind of deranged.

  • http://twitter.com/laundryandri Andri Alexandrou

    This is so heartbreaking, but we have to demand these things. More complicated than “play the game or get played,” though. It’s knowing yourself. These are some of the hardest decisions to make in life, to choose not to see someone or to deflect their interest because you know it’s poorly timed, or that you’re actually bad for each other.

  • asexual4evr

    I went through this, and I didn’t think anyone else did. It kind of makes you want to throw a self-pity party. I had those exact thoughts, every single one of them. Parts of me felt selfish, irritated, confused, self-loathing, but other parts of me also felt proud for what he was doing, or not doing. Parts of me questioned if we actually had something romantic or if I was just going crazy, because most men don’t do that, or at least not to me. It was a bit different for me though because we ended up progressing but then retreated back to “friend status” again, so I got a taste, and I liked it. I think being rejected from these men in this way makes it much harder for us to just say, “fuck off, will you?” 

  • charis

    I took a chance on someone even though it couldn’t have been worse timing. Despite falling fast in love with each other it ultimately didn’t work out. As heartbroken as I still am about it, though, I wouldn’t take it back. Even knowing how it ends I’d do it all over again. I guess you just have to decide which you care about more – the thrill of the romance or avoiding the heartache. 

  • Grace Liberty

    this is really beautiful. thank you.

  • Tori

    I really enjoyed this piece, but I don’t see how only black and white can work for anyone. Maybe that’s just me. Either way, you clearly put a lot into this and it comes through very nicely. Very soulful. 

  • Diep

    I thought I was the only one who could handle black and white if it’s well-defined. For my experience, I had no problem with just being casual but it was his constant overtures towards something more substantial (like going to the theater together) that drove me nuts. Like a very wise person once said, “Shit or get off the pot.” 

  • http://www.twitter.com/mexifrida Frida

    life is so depressing sometimes.
    or just seems like it.

  • http://twitter.com/vickstahs Vicky Nguyen

    It’s nice to know there are actually really mature people out there. This type of thinking is so rare I almost believed them to be nonexistent. Nice article.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ubeda Joant Ubeda

    “Knowing this fact has enabled me to be my complete self around you and fearless about what I do, say, and wear when I’m with you. I’ve never felt so careless around someone because I know I have nothing to lose.”
    Would you not be your complete self around someone who you did have a chance with?

    • Guest

      OF COURSE NOT!

  • Guest

    being attracted to people scares the shit out of me

  • Laura

    Hi Brittany, I really think this guy likes you more than he wants to admit! Give him a chance in the light of day. You can do it! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Danielle-OHara/1346536821 Danielle O'Hara

    Harrowing. :’o

  • http://twitter.com/shoshkabob Shosh

    “I’ve accepted that you can’t and/or don’t want to date me.”

    If he’s already getting what he wants at night and still asking you these things during the day I *think* he does want to date you??

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