I believe that sometimes the desire we feel for something may actually be greater than the joy we feel when we obtain it. I mean it’s just pure human nature. We crave the things we can’t have. We create high expectations for the satisfaction we will feel once we finally retrieve what we have so desperately been wanting, and a lot of the time, those expectations are not met. Basically, the chase, drama, and excitement found in the idea of being with someone you can’t have is the equivalent to winning a nearly impossible game. Once the game is won, the prize is obtained, and the excitement gone, one player may realize that playing the game was more satisfying than actually winning it.
So, to the boy who only wants me when he can’t have me, this is for you.
When things first started between us, I know that you chased me. I didn’t intentionally mean for that to happen. For me, it wasn’t a game at first. But as time passed and we became closer, the idea of “us” may have started to appeal to me more. And so the game began. It was fun for a while, the longing for one another. The uncertainty of what was between us, but we both should have known it would end in disaster.
As the months passed, it occurred to me that we wanted each other, but never at the same time. Whenever I would want to stop our relentless game, it seemed as though I was the only one playing. You would show the perfect amount of interest to string me along for months, strategically knowing exactly when and what to say so you wouldn’t lose me. At first, I found it to be reassuring. Like there was a reason that you always found a way back into my life. But after so many ultimatums and empty promises, I finally realized that the reason you were constantly exiting and reentering my life as you pleased was because I allowed you to. You knew that you had the ability to always have me when you wanted me, regardless of when I wanted you. Every time I felt as though I was able to move on, and you felt as though you were losing the game, you would find a way back into my life. And I would allow it. And every time, you would exit once you had won me over again, leaving me with the same unbearable disappointment as before.
Well I’ve finally decided that I no longer want to be disappointed. While the excitement and uncertainty was fun for a while, I’m tired of playing the same game over and over, only to lose every time. I deserve to have peace in my life, and with you I never had it. There are only so many scenarios I can create in my head, and only so many excuses I can make for you. Just because you want me, doesn’t mean you value me. It’s taken me a long time to get that through my head. But now that I have, I’m finally over you.
You only want me when you can’t have me. So, you can want me forever. Because you will never have me again. Im going to find someone else someday. He won’t have to be chased or given ultimatums. He’ll like me all the time, not just when he can’t have me. Please know that when I do find him, it won’t be a part of the game. And although I can’t tell you exactly when that day will come, I can promise you that it will. So for now, have fun playing with yourself. Because contrary to popular belief, forfeiting this game is the reason I just won.