When I look back on my 22 years, I can hardly fathom the degree of change I accomplished. From playing dress up in my mom’s closet with my little sister, to playing dress up in a dirty strip club for men three times my age, I became an entirely different person, void of innocence. Though I wasted my virtue in less than a decade, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to get it back. Here’s what I told myself during the nine questionable moments I now identify as my corruption.
1. Kiss a boy.
Go to the high school prom with a boy much older than you and let him kiss you in front of all his friends. Pretend you don’t mind that they’re all looking at you, just let yourself feel special!
2. Drink alcohol.
Share that stolen beer at your best friend’s house and cringe when the bubbles make your nose itch. Ignore the gross flavor and drink it until you get that funny feeling in your hands and stomach. It may feel weird at first but everyone else is having fun so you should too.
3. Have sex.
Let him take your clothes off before the sun has even set and ignore the nervous feeling you have about finally doing it. Sure, the sheets are dirty, he’s thrusting too fast and his dad might be home soon, but this is important. It probably hurt just as bad for all the girls who ever lost their virginities.
4. Smoke a cigarette.
Buy a pack just for fun when you turn 18. Smoke one with your best friend in the parking lot and gag over the taste. Take a picture holding it like they do in the movies so all your friends know you smoked.
5. Smoke weed.
Ask that weird guy you met in your class if he knows how to get any. Try (and fail miserably) to roll a joint before you have to ask for help, then watch carefully as he rolls it for you. Take two puffs and act like a weirdo for the next hour, awkwardly trying to check your heartbeat to make sure you don’t die. Practice rolling again later.
6. Hook up with a stranger.
Let that somewhat attractive guy with the confident pick-up lines ask you to dance at the party. Let him touch your waist and your hips even though you get that uncomfortable feeling in your stomach. Let him turn you around and kiss you while grinding his crotch up against yours.
7. Be drunk.
Let your inhibitions down and follow him to his bedroom even when he has to lead you. Don’t worry, you’re probably not that bad. He wouldn’t want you if you were sloppy, right? When you wake up in the morning, assume that you had a good time.
8. Take drugs.
Live a little! You’ve seen all your friends snort lines off a bathroom counter before and they’re still alive. Take the rolled up bill that was offered to you, put it to your nose and inhale. Good, you did it just like everyone else.
9. Have some fun.
Tell him to pour you both another shot. He’s already really drunk but he’s not going to make you drink alone. Let him slur his words while you both flirt and watch him stumble a bit when he gets up. Ask him if he wants to go back to your place. It’s not like he’s going to say no.