Imagine yourself, sitting in a chair rocking your baby to sleep, right after changing its diaper and feeding it. How does this thought make you feel? Is it exciting and fulfilling? For some woman (like me) it is oddly uncomfortable. Personally, the thought of me in this image is similar to the thought of being trapped in a cage.
It seems to be second nature for women with children to pressure women without children to procreate.
The older I get the more it has been fixed in my mind that being a mother may not be the route for me. I have been back and forth but I have always said I think I would be happy without having kids.
I love children, I have been an aunt since I was 10 years old (I am the coolest Aunt ever by-the-way); but when they aren’t cute, sweet, and playful, I really am thankful I can give them back to their mother. I feel like I am lacking a sympathy feature that is needed to deal with screaming children.
I get it, I am in my twenties, and my mind may change, blah blah blah. There are many things I have thought of to get to this point; I do not think it’s fair that simply because I say the words “I don’t think I want children,” I have to sit through a 15-20 minute speech about how incorrect my way of thinking is (usually by more than one woman at a time).
It is 2016; more and more women are choosing not to have children. It shouldn’t be such a shocking statement to make. My high-anxiety personality just runs a lot smoother when I don’t do anything to bring additional stress into the mix. Also with how hard it is now days just to take care of yourself; I feel as though having a baby should be something you want 100%.
Especially since there are so many women out there that want nothing more than to have a baby, it isn’t a blessing I would want to take advantage of. I can only imagine how heart-breaking it could be to yearn for that and not be able to have it. I would want to truly appreciate a child as a gift from God, not a hindrance in any way.
Childbearing is not an obligation simply because a woman has a uterus.
In case anyone has forgotten, women have a lot more options as to what direction they want their lives to go compared to the days when there really wasn’t much else to do BUT to be a wife and raise children. I never want to be a woman sitting on the sidelines wishing that my child was not restricting me from running off to a faraway destination. That isn’t how I imagine motherhood for all women. My mother was a stay at home mom of three and she was damn good at it. She also taught me that I don’t have to get married or have children (she also said she didn’t see me being a mother when I was about 15).
I consider myself a feminist; to me feminism means that as women we can do whatever the F we want and not be judged or treated unequally.
If you want to have 1, 2, or 14 children, you do that! If you don’t want children it is not anyone’s place to try and convince you otherwise.
So before you open your mouth to insist to another woman that someday her uterus will tear her apart emotionally with the thought of loneliness for never having a child, well…just don’t. Don’t assume they are selfish, don’t assume they are lying to themselves, I can ensure you that they really don’t want to hear it, respectfully.