1. I love you. You’re my best friend and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. [Insert name here] will you grow fat and old with me? Because food is awesome and unrealistic standards of beauty are not. I mean I still want to do active stuff together, but just, still be able to make drunk McDonald’s runs and enjoy awful fair food. You know?
2. Don’t worry about shaving your legs in the winter, or ever, really, if you don’t want to. It’s just hair, not a hygienic necessity. Yes, I absolutely will still have sex with you because you’re a human, not a hairless plastic Barbie doll.
3. I would love to bring you wine, fattening foods and rub your back with my super warm man hands when you’re on your period. Also, I’m an adult male who isn’t ‘grossed out’ by something that is quite literally as natural as breathing and eating.
4. Speaking of periods, I promise to never dismiss your thoughts, emotions, or opinions by eluding to the chance that you might be PMSing. That’s not only shitty, it’s stupid.
5. Girl, you look great in whatever makes you feel comfortable. Sure, I might have a few preferences, but it’s not your job to cater to my whims (especially when it involves really high heels and you have a predisposition to trip over nothing). I would rather you felt comfy and good about yourself because confidence is, as they say, sexy.
6. You’re beautiful but I also value you for your thoughts, intellect, humor, and rather impressive knowledge of Star Wars backstories. You’re a person, not a shiny object to place on a shelf.
7. I would love to take you out to dinner where I make no remarks or judgments on what you choose to eat and how much of it you consume. Because food is awesome and you should be able to eat whatever the fuck you want.
8. Sweetie, if we ever have kids one day, I am fully willing to negotiate my staying home and caring for them because I know how hard you’ve worked for your career and how much it means to you. Your goals and dreams are important, too.
9. Hey girl, I don’t need to know how many sexual partners you’ve had before me because you’re not a used car that loses value due to the number of previous drivers you’ve had. Also, out dated double standards are outdated.
10. I just want to have a real and honest connection with someone. I want to push past all the unrealistic bullshit our society shoves in our faces and connect on a true and intimate level. I want to be a real person and I want you to be a real person with me.