28 Very Random Thoughts While Playing A MMORP Video Game: A Woman’s Journey


1. Alright kid fed, bathed and tucked in. Time to get down to business.

2. Nice music. I can feel the epic-ness growing. Feeeeeeel it.

3. Bust size… eh? Huuuum, let’s just ease this bar all the way to the right. There we go, perfect. No one will suspect I’m compensating… right? Am I a bad feminist now?

4. Eh. Hey, cute hair and makeup combo! At least I can have awesome hair and skin in a virtual reality. Now… where did I put that wine to drown my personal insecurities?

5. OMG armor that covers my tits and ass, this is truly monumental. I mean, who would seriously run into battle wearing only metal nipple covers and a vagina plate?

6. Holy shit! I’ve been in character creation for two hours! Okay, time to play, seriously  –her eyes are too far apart, I just know it!

7. Uh, maybe I should have researched race and class combos prior to playing. Eh, whatever. Ass-kicking time!

8. What the hell, I have to aim? But… I’m used to WoW where I can just face roll the key board and no one will notice. I guess drunk game play is out of the question… faaaaail.

9. Wow, look at those graphics. The water looks kick ass, totally realistic- DIE FILTHY BANDIT SCUM! FOR THE DOMINION!- Man, that water though, seriously beautiful.

10. God damn it, I have no sense of direction in this stupid game. I’m totally on the wrong side of the freaking continent again.

11. Oooooo mats! I don’t even know what profession this is for… but I can click it… so it’s mine bitches!

12. Oh look a glitch. Let me remove all my gear and /stuck so this stupid game can kill me and I can spend five minutes running back here. This is in no way a waste of my time. Hey, at least my virtual boobs look nice.

13. Who seriously keeps raw bear meat in their nightstand? Gross…

14. I feel ridiculously bad ass riding this horse through the rain right now. Seriously, I have chills.

15. Bitch, that quest kill was mine! I mean you watched me kill the last 10 spawns to get it. I hate you with the passion of a thousand fiery suns. I hope you burn in hell- oh, hey, thanks for staying to help me kill him. I take back all irrational hatred.

16. Ooo! Mats! Bags full? Now… do I throw away that really nice staff or that awesome disguise that makes me look like a pirate? I’m sure I can find a better staff…

17. You can get married in this game. To men or women? Multiple men or women? Well, hot damn. How does one go about proposing? Can I spam Zone Chat? Marry me and absolve me of all my personal relationship failings random forty year old, or twelve year old man!

18. Ugh, group quests are the worst what the hell is that guy even doing? I’m going to be in this dungeon forever.

19. Oh look another glitch and I’m trapped under a bridge again. Maybe I should just be naked troll-bridge-woman. That is a really lame title. Sigh. /stuck

20. Man I sure can take a hit, that dude punched me in the boob like fifteen times.

21. How in the hell does this bear not have bear skin?! I mean what the fuck. I hate this game. Hate it.

22. New gear! This armor is awesome, love this game. It matches my helm and boots perfectly. Color coordinated ass-kicking, coming your way.

23. Does anyone actually read the quest text? Jesus, this lady has been talking to me for a freaking hour.

24. Wait this NCP is asking me questions… and there are several different answer options. Damnit! Why didn’t I listen!

25. My ass hurts, seriously, radiating in my knees caps. Time to lay down, yeeees, perfect.  What time is it anyway? Eeeeerg, nope, can’t reach my phone. Oh well, who cares?

26. Level up! Nice! Now to choose skill points. Hum… yeah, I really should have researched class combos. Well, summoning a demon sounds pretty cool? Heh…

27. What is that harsh blinding light penetrating my eyeballs while I ransack this town of probably innocent civilians?!

28. Aaaaand it’s time for me to get ready for work. Awesome. Stupid fucking game. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

featured image – Barone Firenze / Shutterstock.com

I feel a bit too old for this, but here we are. – A Memoir by Me

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