If something were to happen that would cause you to lose all of your past memories permanently, who would you be? This question absolutely perplexes me, because I feel like I am so much a compilation of my experiences. And aren’t we all?
I want to know if someone would bother to tell me about all of the things I’ve struggled with in my life, or if they’d just let me go on in my ignorant bliss. I want to know if I would actually be blissful, or if I’d find other things to worry about. I want to know if I’d have the same experiences or run into the same problems that I did before.
I want to know who I am at my core, is what I’m trying to say. I want to know who I would be if I hadn’t been shaped by the people, places and events in my life. Because I know I wouldn’t be a blank canvas. I’d have likes and dislikes, opinions and passions, and they wouldn’t be because I’ve been influenced to behave a certain way.
Many times I’ve alluded to how I’ve experienced my fair share of problems (although I haven’t disclosed what exactly they’ve been, you can probably infer) and I’ve also noted how much I’ve changed through the process of coming back from these painful experiences. I want to clarify something. I don’t think I’ve actually changed. I think I’ve become more and more myself. Every time I’m pushed to my limits and don’t know how I’ll go on, the way I eventually do is by removing a layer of my ego and living out what I know to be truly me.
There is nothing more liberating than the day you realize you’re living without consideration of other’s opinions. It’s the day that you’re focused on what you are doing, right in that moment. It’s when you don’t hold back because you’re afraid of who may judge you and make you feel embarrassed. It’s also the day that you accept negative opinions as weightless, insignificant thoughts of others. You make yourself the only person in control of your life. As it should be.