The Things You Can’t Change And How You Deal With Them

You can’t change your childhood. It was what it was. It is what it is. Some believe that all of our problems can somehow be traced back to childhood. Honestly, I think everyone has a story. Somewhere along the line, something has affected us. It’s life. Our experiences make us who we are. Good and bad. It just so happens that childhood is an impressionable time, and the negative tends to leave lasting imprints. I think it’s crucial for anybody who wants to life an emotionally healthy life to come to terms with whatever happened in their childhood.

Your family. You can’t control what you were born into. You can, however, control who you keep in your life. I feel like people get hung up on the idea that family has to be mother, father, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, etc. It’s just not so. Family is whoever you damn well please it be. That’s the beauty of it. For some lucky people, it’s the family you’re biologically related to. For others, it’s the family that you’ve developed and made for yourself. Both are equally wonderful. Never think otherwise. If, despite your earnest efforts, you still can’t make peace with a member of your family, it may be time to accept that you don’t get along, and to move on with your life. I’m not saying to give up on your relationships, I’m really not. I’m saying to stop fighting them. Accept them for what they are. Just because you’re biologically related doesn’t mean your souls are the same. They’re not. I’m sure you can see that yourself. Accept this, it’s just a fact of life.

Your sexuality. Don’t try to conform to norms that others pose to you. You are who you are. If you’re gay, that’s something you can’t change. It’s something you can’t ask or expect anyone else to change either. If you don’t identify with a gender, or if you’re neither here nor there regarding the issue, you still are who you are. Just because you move forth on your journey to understanding yourself better doesn’t mean you’re changing. Your sexuality will always be what it is, much like most of who and what you are. You’re just at different levels of awareness through your life.

Your feelings. You feel how you feel. Feelings and emotions have become these big, scary overwhelming things that can debilitate our lives. But really, they’re nothing to sweat over. Accepting them makes them much easier to deal with. Fighting them only intensifies them. Don’t try to scoot around your feelings. They’re there if they’re there. They aren’t if they’re not.

Whether or not someone loves you. Ah, unrequited love. Without it we wouldn’t have half the songs on the radio, and honestly, we wouldn’t have some really cool people in the world. I think this kind of rejection cuts the deepest, and it really can change who you are—eventually for the better. You can’t control how other people feel about you. You can’t control what other people think. Trying to change who you are or what you do in hopes of changing someone’s opinion is just another way of trying to control how they feel—it’s not going to work. All you’re doing is being untrue to yourself. TC Mark

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