To Love Where You Are, You Can't Hate The Steps That Got You There
Life

To Love Where You Are, You Can’t Hate The Steps That Got You There

One day, you will arrive at the horizon you’re gazing at right now.

One day, you will get to where you always wanted to be. One day, you will hardly remember all of the years you had to struggle and reach, because one day, you will be so deeply immersed in the life you spent all this time creating, it will all be a distant memory.

One day, your progress will hit a tipping point. You may not ever feel as though you have “arrived,” but you will know that you have crossed a threshold. Life is too different from how it used to be to feel as though you didn’t.

When you get there, you will have to reconcile something, and it is this: to love where you are, you cannot hate the steps that got you there.

You can no longer hold resentment for everyone you lost along the way, because they were clearing your path. You can no longer harbor deep regret for all the mistakes, all the times you showed up as less than you could have been, because each was teaching you an invaluable lesson. You can no longer see your life as a before and after where everything was wrong in the past and finally correct now. Each step was perfectly placed along your journey and that is exactly why you were able to arrive.

To love who you are, you have to stop hating the person you were. That person is the one who got you this far.

To love where you are, you have to stop hating the mistakes that brought you here, because those are what taught you what not to do.

To love where you’re going, you have to stop trying to run from the past, because ultimately, what you go through is what grows you, it’s what leads you to where you want to be.

Not every step of the path is the final destination, nor is it intended to be. Not every day is your peak, not every moment is the culmination and end-goal. If you’re a future-driven person, if you’re propelled by your ideas of what your life could be, you are likely to organize your existence into what’s good and what’s not, and it’s that very impulse that’s holding you back.

When you hold shame or regret for the past, you haven’t fully learned the lesson yet.

You’ve moved away from it, but you haven’t really absorbed and metabolized how you were intended to grow from it.

When we truly understand why we were dissatisfied, what we were doing wrong, how we could have done better and what needed to change in the future, we release that resentment. We release it because we are confident that going forward, we will be better and do better.

We only hold onto that self-hate when we think we need it to keep us in check, when we think we need it to remind us that our lack of awareness is what got us into that situation in the first place.

But the truth is that self-hate is not the teacher. Awareness is, principle is, planning is, forward-thinking is, accountability is, strategy is, character is. That is what teaches us to be and do better, that is what holds us to a higher standard.

When you really, truly arrive to where you have always wanted to be, you’re able to look back not with regret but appreciation. You can see how crucial each step was, you can see that everything that came before that moment was yet another chance to learn, to adapt, and to become who you were meant to be. You can see that life was reflecting back to you who and what you were, so you could adjust that person to align with what you had always intended.

Your life was never working against you.

It was merely trying to show you the ways you were working against yourself.

It was only trying to mirror you to you, in an effort to help you see clearly, to grow better, and to step forward.

When you finally get there, you realize that nothing that happened beforehand was a mistake. It was just another piece of the path, another experience, another part of the way life was always intended to be. Imperfect, but somehow, just right at the same time.

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About the author
Brianna Wiest is the author of I Am The Hero Of My Own Life, Salt Water, and 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think. Follow Brianna on Instagram or read more articles from Brianna on Thought Catalog.

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