This Is What Nobody Tells You About The Three Big Loves Of Your Life

They say that you only really have three loves in your life. Kate Rose explained that each happens for a specific reason, the first to teach you about your expectations, the second to teach you about who you really are, and the third to teach you about what it really means to love another person.

It’s true that our first love dispels our myths about fairytales, and that our second shows us to ourselves, and that our third is often unexpected. But what most people don’t realize is that these relationships aren’t always singular. Sometimes, we have to cycle through many relationships to learn one of those lessons. Sometimes, our feelings can betray us, and we can end up treating a teacher like a soulmate.

What they don’t warn you about your first relationship is that it’s often not a relationship at all. It’s an almost. It’s a maybe. It’s “we’re talking,” and that’s it. Not everyone has the kind of high school relationship that you see in the movies. In fact, most people don’t. Most people break their expectations through a slew of people who flake, half-commit, betray and earn their mistrust. That’s what makes the second relationship so appealing at first.

What they don’t warn you about your second relationship is that just because someone claims to love you more than anything doesn’t mean you’re right for each other. You become indecisive, you remain in denial. You don’t understand that love isn’t compatibility, and compatibility? It matters. And just because you have a lot in common and someone is everything you always thought your significant other would be doesn’t mean you’ll actually get along. Your second relationship really teaches you that attraction, infatuation, obsession… it isn’t love. It isn’t sustainable. And real compatibility is not always something you can predict. That’s why the third relationship is always such a shock.

What they don’t warn you about your third relationship is that it’s sometimes the hardest one of all. Your third relationship comes to you when you’ve already given up on the idea of finding your soulmate. That’s when you find someone with whom you actually get along, and you start building your soulmate relationship. This is when you learn that love isn’t something you find, it’s something you develop. This is the relationship that is the real teacher, and the others were just preparation to get you to this one. This is the relationship that makes you who you are throughout your life. Yes, it feels right. But it doesn’t always feel easy. And if you aren’t careful, you can start believing that your forever person is going to fix everything you dislike about your life, when really, their job is to walk beside you as you do it yourself. TC mark

Brianna Wiest

Brianna Wiest is the author of SALT WATER.

Stop searching for happiness in the same place you lost it.

Salt Water, the new poetry collection by Brianna Wiest, is a must-have book on your journey to healing. Grab a cup of tea and let these essential, purifying prose calm your mind and filter out the noise.

Salt Water is a slow deep breath, in and out. It sits in a new genre of poetry, somewhere between artistic self-expression and candid self-help.” — Lee Crutchley

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