8 Things You Need To Realize If You Think Life Would Be Better If You Were In A Relationship

@NickBulanovv
@NickBulanovv

1. Your forever person is not going to save your life.

Despite what society and the media and maybe even your parents taught you, being in love is a great thing, but it’s not everything, and it’s not anything if you aren’t ready for how hard it will be sometimes, or if you don’t know yourself well enough to choose someone for the right reasons.

2. The idea that relationships = happiness is a myth.

There is significant research that says single people are often more fulfilled, experience greater psychological growth, and have better social lives. I don’t need to extol the virtues of being married – you know them already – but being single is not the pathetic thing you’re afraid it is.

3. You are not being punished right now, you are being given a gift.

You are being forced to figure life out for yourself, so you don’t accidentally spend the rest of your it dependent on someone you don’t even want to be around. Figuring out who you are now will give you freedom always. You will look back on this time and think: I am so glad things didn’t work out when I thought I wanted them to.

4. Being in a relationship will not make you happier. Being in the right relationship will.

When you look around at all the people around you who have significant others, you aren’t realizing that they did not all meet and marry their soulmates. Some of them did, the others settled, due to fear or social expectations or necessity. That is why many of them are miserable, and half of them will split anyway.

5. Relationships are harder than they seem.

This is an annoying platitude that probably won’t mean much to you right now, but the idea that being with someone will dissolve your problems is a dangerous delusion, and you should realize this now. Being with someone will present a whole new set of challenges for you to face together. If you are prepared for this, you will be able to handle them better. If you’re not, you’re going to be gutted by the fact that the thing you thought would save you would actually hold you more accountable for your problems.

6. There is no actual correlation between attractiveness and lovability.

People who are more attractive may get more attention – but that’s all. There’s a huge difference. Look around at the people you know who have romantic partners. Are every one of them good looking, or funny, or wealthy, or whatever it is you are insecure that you’re not? Of course they aren’t. You don’t have a partner because you haven’t met the right person, not because only beautiful, successful, wealthy people find love.

7. Your life is affording you an incredible opportunity to figure out who you are.

Consider all of the older people you know who were married off too soon and never got a chance to try writing, or singing, or become independent or get over their anxieties. You get to do that now. You get to develop parts of your personality that you simply wouldn’t have the time or energy to explore if you were always busy catering to the needs and wants of someone else. More importantly, understanding who you are now will mean that you’ll have a better chance of choosing a life partner who is actually good for you.

8. If you don’t figure out how to be happy and free now, you will never be able to be content and coupled later.

You need to figure out what makes you feel the most like yourself. How you like to organize your apartment, what you like to do in the morning, how you prefer to waste a Sunday afternoon. If you don’t know these pieces of yourself, you will never be able to hold them in place when someone comes along and knocks you off your feet. Because eventually, you will have to get back up. And if you want to be able to be with someone and not lose yourself, you need to learn how to be happy when the only person you have to focus on is you. Your forever person is not coming to save you, they are coming to stand next to you while you continue to save yourself. TC mark

Brianna Wiest

My new book on self-sabotage will be out in June 2020

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