1. Ya look great.
2. But watch out because when you turn 24 your metabolism is really gonna slow down.
3. But at that point you’ll have started a show about getting drunk and cooking, so you’ll be fine.
4. Who am I? Oh, I’m you from the future. Did I forget to mention that?
5. No, not the cool distant future… Like just seven years from now.
6. Yeah, you definitely didn’t become a translator for the UN…
7. But you have a Prius!
8. Anyway, how are you? Any ladies you’re into?
9. Oh, wait. You’re still in the closet, huh…
10. SPOILER ALERT: You come to terms with the fact that you’re gay. Denial is a river that ran dry, my friend. Better to embrace it now…
11. … Yes, you can still shave your legs.
12. Anyway, I’m supposed to be giving you life lessons. Here’s one: you’re doing everything right.
13. Honestly, just keep on with all the angst and doubt. It’s perfectly natural.
14. The real trick to living life is living slowly.
15. And also you should read that book your lit professor assigned you: “Letters to a Young Poet.” It’s a bit esoteric, but it will change your life. Like, read it a couple of times. But if you don’t want to read it, here are some important points:
16. Don’t live your life looking for answers. Live within the questions.
17. The thing you want most in life is the thing you think about when falling asleep. (French bulldogs! Wife! BBQ pit!)
18. No matter what happens. Just keep going. No feeling is final.
19. “Be happy about your growth, in which of course you can’t take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don’t torment them with your doubts and don’t frighten them with your faith or joy.”
20. Get drunk and cook something.
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