I spent most of second grade concerned about what I’d be when I grew up. I spent the next 10 years in a fury over it. I ran through every possibility, weighed pros and cons, tried different things, and eventually arrived at my conclusion. Said conclusion didn’t matter though: what I thought I wanted to pursue was indeed similar to what I ended up doing but I chose the former path because I was afraid to do the latter: that being, writing. People said to me, you spend too much time worried about the future! Well: they weren’t wrong, and as I’ll elaborate on in a moment, it was more debilitating than it did good. But I also believe, at the same time, that if I hadn’t been that adamant about figuring out my “purpose” at a young age, you wouldn’t be reading this right now.
Through every stage of my education, I was always waiting to get to the next step. I was in a suspended state of anxiety and I dealt with my problems by fixating myself on the idea that one day, things would get better. Said things I was waiting for came, but better times didn’t.
This interests me because I developed this mindset at such an early age, I’m not sure that it was anybody’s fault. I think it is simply a pillar of the human condition: consistently reaching for more to escape the current predicament. But of course, the reality of all that is: there is no escape, because there is no tomorrow.
It’s one of the cardinal truths of being alive– one that most people brush off or ignore entirely. Time is a figment of our teaching and imagination: that we have within us the capacity to actually reach a “new” day that’s any different from where we are right now. The sun rises and the sun sets, and that does not change anything: only our mindset about what those transitions mean do.
We have to disregard what we knew about time, and look at life as a constant unfolding and a journey. There are no days, only steps. There is no tomorrow, only what experiences may come and how you define them within the span of Earth’s movements. We have to stop thinking of things within the confines of years and days and hours but rather how they come to us when they’re meant to.
We have to stop doing things because we’re “at that age” and start doing things because that’s what our soul needs right now. To hell with age. To hell with time. Unleashing your mind’s capacity to comprehend the evolutionary miracle that is your quickly passing existence is an unbelievable feat, one that you should give yourself the chance to have.