Maybe It’s Not About Letting Go, But About Making Room For What We Can’t Change

Sarah Loven

When something tragic and gutting happens to someone, something that is miles beyond what we can empathize with emotionally, we tend to think to ourselves, how do they go on after this? I am talking about the people who lose parents suddenly at a young age, who have infants die in their arms, who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses while still in the throes and wonder of adolescence. The things that seem, if they were to happen to us, to be the end-all. I’m not sure that we can grasp that kind of emotional pain until we’ve been in those shoes ourselves. But for the little bit we can understand from our own experiences, we inevitably wonder how people move on after the worst befell them.

The people who have seen these depths know something. They know that often, it’s not about moving on or figuring out a way to be happy about something. Not everything will be tailored to our liking, and just because it’s not, it doesn’t mean it’s going away. It’s not about getting over things, it’s about making room for them. It’s about painting the picture with contrast.

We never want to make room in our lives and hearts for things we don’t want there, but in all honesty, we can’t control most of what comes in and out anyway. And in our efforts to manhandle our existence, we hurt ourselves, because we get caught up in being upset over the failure of what we “thought should be.” Another thing that, of course, we never really know.

So maybe what we do when there’s nothing else to do is we make space in our hearts for the big, bad, ugly things we’re afraid of, and we learn to love them. We learn that these things are roadblocks that we aren’t supposed to knock down, because they serve us and show us that we need to go in another direction. We learn to love them for that, even though we don’t love them at all. We learn that they serve purpose, and it’s in going through this process a few times that we realize how what doesn’t work is usually far more important and poignant than what does. TC mark

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Brianna Wiest

My new book on self-sabotage is out now.


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  • laviecestmoi

    Reblogged this on Strange Corners and commented:
    This one would not have struck me if I did not know people who did lose their parents at a young age or have an infant die in their arms or get diagnosed with terminal illnesses in the full throes of their adolescence. Or if I had not, two years ago, lived in fear when I accidentally found out I had the same illness that killed some of my family members.

  • Kelley

    Reblogged this on Casa de la K.

  • dreampagesproductions

    Reblogged this on Dream Pages Production and commented:
    Reminds me of the serenity prayer. God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.
    –Reinhold Niebuhr

  • positivity.
  • liebeshepty

    Reblogged this on Prehistory and Endless Posthistory and commented:
    Berdamai. Sesederhana itu.

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