20 Signs You Went To An All-Girls, Catholic High School

Brianna Wiest

1. Adjusting to college life is a difficult transition for most people, but when you actually have to start re-learning all of your grooming habits, what mascara is, and the fact that sweatpants, men’s boxers and messy buns aren’t acceptable professional attire… it challenges everything you knew to be true.

2. You’re also still adjusting to the fact that there isn’t just food everywhere, all the time. Also that gorging yourself all day every day isn’t normal either.

3. You know the issue of getting to school and realizing you’re wearing one navy knee sock and one black one.

4. But what you know more than that is how possible it is to just straight up not give a damn about being mismatched.

5. Kilts.

6. “Dances” that were supposed to serve as mixers or something with brother schools that had ridiculous dress codes and priests watching you dance. Why did nobody realize how weird this was?

7. The stereotype that nobody tries with appearances is actually pretty true, because there aren’t any boys… but the stereotype that everybody is straight because they’re Catholic and actually care that there aren’t boys isn’t.

8. You took dance instead of gym.

9. You had weird traditions like, at my school, “sports night” which was the do-or-die event of the year, where the school was divided into two teams that would battle each other in like, you know, dance routines, and everybody would lose their shit over it.

10. You could tell who was bad ass (or who thought they were) by how much they deviated from the dress code. Uggs with your uniform? Scarves and J.Crew cardigans instead of the uniform sweater? Staples of the good-Catholic-girl-gone-bad.

11. You were taught this strange mix of unintentional feminism with strong Catholic values, something we know does not easily mix. So while we were learning to be leaders and take pride in being intelligent, capable women, we were also taking “Catholic Marriage” theology classes on how to maintain a happy, heterosexual union.

12. You’re as convinced as I am that it was Catholic school girls who started the Twilight obsession.

13. You’d casually walk past a nun in a habit and be completely unfazed. Or get your hand slapped with a ruler by one and still be unfazed.

14. You were addressed, at large, as “LADIES” in a really demanding and condescending tone, especially when you were in trouble.

15. You went to school with an …interesting mix of people. There are hardcore Catholics and rich daddy’s girls who were like, the only ones who could really afford private school. There are the ones who were utterly obsessed with school work and grades because they had to live up to their parent’s wealth and success or something, and the people who would rather be in the eighth circle of hell than be in an all-girls Catholic school for another day.

16. If you want to cause mass hysteria, bring in one of the following things: pizza, cupcakes, a puppy, or a boy.

17. If you didn’t yourself, you know of friends (acquaintances…) who definitely, totally had crushes on the male teachers. You know who you are.

18. You think it’s weird to NOT start EVERYTHING with prayer. The morning begins with a prayer on the loudspeaker before announcements, and continues through the day at the beginning of, you know, every class.

19. You can totally tell which teachers don’t subscribe to the whole ” strict Catholicism” thing. Namely, the ones who pretty much openly mock it.

20. You will admit that you got a thorough education, and if anybody needs a lesson on proper grammar, good handwriting, how to be submissive or cite any bible verse at any given time, you’ve GOT this. TC mark

Brianna Wiest

Brianna Wiest is the author of SALT WATER.

Stop searching for happiness in the same place you lost it.

Salt Water, the new poetry collection by Brianna Wiest, is a must-have book on your journey to healing. Grab a cup of tea and let these essential, purifying prose calm your mind and filter out the noise.

Salt Water is a slow deep breath, in and out. It sits in a new genre of poetry, somewhere between artistic self-expression and candid self-help.” — Lee Crutchley

Buy the book

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