7 Different Heartbreaks It’s Important You Have

Jun. 28, 2013
moiBrianna Wiest is a professional list-maker, unwarranted advice giver and admirer of all things beautiful, natural and ...

When someone didn’t love you, but you stuck around anyway… just to make sure.

One of the most difficult things about love is that sometimes, it is fleeting, and it passes. Really, this isn’t love, but when we believe it is and realize that it’s slipping away from us, there are few things more devastating. But what you take from it is your own self-worth. There is a certain confidence and sense of dignity that comes at the end of this journey when you decide that you will no longer give your love, patience and time to somebody that doesn’t care to reciprocate it. It’s crucial for learning how to differentiate between love and everything else that’s often confused for it.

When you ended it, realized you wanted them back, and it was too late.

The truth of this matter is that if you ended it, it was for a reason. It’s really that simple most of the time. Even if you feel adamantly that you were wrong and made a mistake, you could be right, but more likely, you were onto something. Give it some time and remind yourself why you did it in the first place. It’s an important lesson in trusting ourselves the first time around, and what you take beyond anything is the humbling ability to admit your fault and be on your knees with someone begging them back.

When they left and you stayed in denial fueled by delusional reasoning.

It’s a lesson in accepting reality. We do this a lot in our lives, we come up with reasons and excuses as to why what we’re told just can’t be the truth. But we all find, in one way or another, that it usually is, and the only thing that wasn’t truthful was the stories we were telling ourselves. Yes, people need time to find themselves, yes, sometimes you are too young and your paths just don’t align, yes, you may end up back together one day, these are all possible and valid. However, they are also often used as pieces of solace for holding onto something that’s already long gone.

When you let yourself be walked on.

The relationship that came at a point in your life when you didn’t really know how to stand up for yourself. You were fooled by how charming and apologetic they were, how willing they seemed to change, how much they obviously loved and cared for you. But at the end of the day, none of that is as important as whether or not you are being treated correctly. And unfortunately, many times, people continue to be treated as such because they don’t know how to stand up for themselves or know when it’s time to walk away.

When you stayed, even though the love was gone.

Well, of course, you’ve heard this a thousand times: sometimes the flame dulls a bit, and you have to reignite it. That’s normal, that’s life. But the difference is that sometimes people stay in relationships for reasons that have nothing to do with love. If that’s what you want to do, and your partner is aware and okay with it– fine. But I’ve found, that for most people, it’s a matter of realizing that they were caught up in excitement and infatuation and lust and labeled that mix “love.”

When you lost them unexpectedly.

It’s easier to move on if you are leaving for a reason. If you have reasons to dislike someone, and you can remind yourself of these reasons when you’re feeling lonely or missing them. But when someone goes unexpectedly: a break up, a passing, a major move, we’re filled with remorse for not appreciating the time we had, silly for taking the future for granted, and above all, just shocked that this could have happened to us. But it’s one of the most intense ways life teaches us something important: you just never know.

When you saw them love somebody else.

Jeeze, is there anything worse? But it’s this kind of torture that really propels us to greater things. We learn to acknowledge our qualities (typically initially in the form of comparing them to the new certain-someone, but nevertheless, they are acknowledged). Because after we get through that phase of wondering how and why we could ever be replaced, we start thinking about what this means for us. Where do we go next? What do we do? We make a new life. We’re refueled with such a drive to make a new life for ourselves, and I’ll tell you from experience that really incredible things can come from this. I know it seems hopeless, but keep moving forward, one step at a time. It’s more important than you realize right now. TC mark

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