For the past 9 months, or however long ago you left our almost relationship, I’ve been trying to figure out what lesson I was supposed to learn from you. Every lesson I could come up with were things I already knew and tried hard to put into practice long before you ever came along. But we all have shortcomings. We all say things we know, but don’t really put into practice when it all comes down to it.
Now that you came back into my life, I really believe you have changed. You said you want to try again, but more circumstances are arising, and once again, you’re saying we shouldn’t be together. It’s not like you’re just backing out at the last minute and being flaky like you did last time when you were scared. I know this because at the time you said you wanted to try again, you didn’t know your new job would require you to move to a city that is far away within the next couple of weeks. So what does this have to do with anything?
I finally figured out what I’m supposed to learn from you. I have realized that even though I try to think before I act, I still let my emotions get the better of me. You know what?
Relationships are not a now or never thing.
Everyone always says things like “there’s no such thing as right person, wrong time,” and “if he really liked you, he wouldn’t have left you.” Honestly, I disagree. If I think about what I would do if I were in your position, I would probably hesitate too. I wouldn’t want to hurt me again either. Being in a position like what you’re going through, you have two options: get into a relationship that you aren’t ready for or leave me before things get real. In this case, there is no third option of tough it out. That’s for people who are ready, and you said so yourself that you’re not.
We can’t force someone to be ready when we are and we certainly can’t get mad at them for doing what they feel is best.
You aren’t ready for me and that’s okay. Maybe we can be together in the future, but I’m not going to make all my decisions on the chance of us being together, even if we do like each other a lot. Honestly, when you left me the first time, I thought you were never going to come back. But you did. That in itself leads me to believe that “now or never” doesn’t really exist when it comes to people who are truly important to us.
As soon as you came back, you stated that you were open to it still, but you specifically told me that you weren’t ready at that moment. But what did I do? I let my emotions get the better of me and I tried to convince you to be with me even though you specifically stated that you are not ready for anything at the moment. For that, I’m sorry. That doesn’t make you a “never.” That just makes you a “not now.” From your responses, I could tell that you had mixed feelings, because you really want it, but you’re not ready right now.
It’s not your fault that things in your life happened and that the timing was crap, so it’s not right of me to punish you for it. You never treated me badly. I don’t like that you keep using weak reasons for why we can’t be together, but I understand that sometimes, we need something more solid to hold onto so the decision is easier to handle in the moment. You definitely could have handled it better, but I’m not going to get mad at you and label you as a “never” for reacting the way you did. If I really think about it, I probably would have done the same thing myself.