I’m a big movie buff. As a side effect, I sometimes find myself quoting movies randomly throughout my day. Some are appropriate and get huge laughs. Others are awkward, insulting, and plain mean. This list focuses on the latter.
Scenario: The District Manager is in the store and finds one of your mistakes. After grilling you about the process of what led to said mistake, the frustrated DM asks for your name. Knowing he could clearly read your nametag (that is, if you have bothered to actually wear it), you get aggravated and reply…
1. “FUCK YOU! THAT’S MY NAME!!”
(Blake, played by Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glenn Ross)
Scenario: After your little outburst to the District Manager, you are sent to go see Carol in HR. You are unfamiliar with Carol and look at your bosses as if they have a third eye growing in their forehead. After a few seconds of awkward silence, you realize who she is and shout in realization…
2. “Oh, yeah! The bitch!”
(Ace Ventura, played by Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective)
Scenario: As you sit in Carol’s office, she gives off a fake demeanor trying to buddy up to you. She’s basically playing ‘good cop’ to try to get a confession out of you for the corporate bigwigs. After her rehearsed speech she looks you in the eye and tells you in the most polite, sugar-wouldn’t-melt-in-her-mouth way, “I want to be your friend,” to which you nonchalantly retort:
3. “I’ll tell you what. The day I need a friend like you, I’ll just have myself a little squat and shit one out.”
(Mrs. Carmody, played by Marcia Gay Harden in The Mist)
Scenario: After making no headway with Carol, the boss comes in to play ‘bad cop’ and tries to lay down the law, assuring you that by the end of the meeting you’ll sign whatever needs to be signed or you will suffer the full extent of the consequences that they can dole out. You look them in the eyes with no change in your pulse.
4. “You want a war…I’ll give you a war you won’t believe!”
(John Rambo, played by Sylvester Stallone in First Blood)
Scenario: After gritting his teeth and angrily reciting what you can expect to happen should you decide not to sign the write up, including the withholding of your last paycheck, you blood begins to heat up and you respond with…
5. “It’s shit like this that’s going to bring this situation to a head, man!”
(Jules Winnfield, played by Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction)
Scenario: After outright refusing to sign their “bullshit propaganda,” you will then be escorted to the front door where they will watch you walk to your vehicle to ensure you don’t do anything stupid like piss on the boss’ tires. Being as the article is about movie quotes and the damage is already done, may I suggest leaving on a high note and giving them a little John Bender “fist in the air” as you depart the mind-numbing inferior job that you will surely find better employment now that you have ended it in the most classy way possible.