How To Tell If He’s A Jerk, Based On His Face


Say no more.

By following this quick 5 tips you will trick him in no time to display his true nature. 

You just have to build the right setup. Do not try this if you haven’t figured out his zodiac and rising sign yet, dated him for less than half an hour, or just applied a mud mask. Do this instead if you: haven’t memorised his name, thought he looked different in his pictures, it’s Christmas Eve, you feel evil today or he had a lot to drink.

Lure him into a casual corner. Preferably one that’s totally boring and scary, like a bar in Delaware or a public toilet that’s ran its course. Provide more alcohol if you must, after all, you’re doing this for fun, not for him.

Gently ask him to play a little game. Be persistent. Don’t forget to look at his penis in the process. Also, make sure he’s not wearing shades. Once he agrees, this is what you should tell him:

step 1: Look into the mirror.

This should be easy. Watch him closely – how his face gets closer to the mirror, how he frowns at the sight of that engorged blackhead on his nose, how he tries to clear it with a spray of saliva. You might just get yourself a psychopath. Or an INFJ.

step 2. Take a selfie.

Continue to look at his penis as he does this. Make sure the angle is spot on his blackhead.

step 3. Post that selfie on social media.

Cheer. Show your boobies. No matter what you do now, don’t screw this moment. Evidence must be made! Make him post it.

step 4. Voila! Let people decide if you’re a jerk, based on your face.

By this time, you will have found out if he’s a jerk, based on his face or not. You’ll probably need to give it about 24 hours to work the magic, but the results will be accurate. You can spend your last night before the verdict crying, binge eating, touching yourself and gasping “Tomorrow is another day”. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Disclaimer: this story is a pamphlet and should be treated as such.

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