1. When she gives me a handjob, she sometimes pretends my dick is a stick shift, or a control stick of an airplane. It’s weird, yeah, but I get hard anyways.
2. I love to unbuckle his pants and grab his semi-hard cock and slap him across my face. It’s so hot.
3. When I go down on my wife, I always greet her vagina. It makes her laugh. Always.
4. I’ve smacked her face with my penis trying to do the windmill. If you don’t know what that is, it’s when a guy gyrates his hips to make his penis look like a windmill.
5. We just recently got a pet guinea pig, so before we come, we “wheek,” which makes us laugh and gives us more time to have sex.
6. I always try to put it in the wrong hole.
7. My boyfriend tries to make me queef when we’re having sex. It’s the weirdest thing, but I guess he likes it because it makes me laugh too.
8. Ugh, I hate it when he quotes Spongebob during sex, but he always does it before I cum. It’s the fucking worst.
9. My partner and I are really into BDSM. My thing is to tie her up and grab some frozen fruit and put it on her stomach. She’d first cry out from the cold, but I’d go down from her collarbone down, eating the fruit and licking her with my warm tongue. Always a blast.
10. We have tongue fights. Take that how you will.
11. My husband does the most disgusting thing. He takes his penis and pretends the opening is a mouth. He uses his fingers to open it and close it like it’s saying something. And it’s always something along the lines of, “Hey Marisa, have sex with me,” or “Marisa, let’s boogie right now.” Such a weirdo.
12. When I’m going down on him, I make sure to kiss on his hips, because I like the way he buckles. He’s really ticklish, and I hate giving blowjobs, so I’m slowly trying to condition him to associate blowjobs with tickling.
13. I say, “Another one,” when she cums, like I’m DJ Khaled. She doesn’t like that, but she likes it when I go down on her.
14. I like to smack myself with her tits when she’s on top of me. God they’re amazing.
15. To get him hard, I rub his penis while whispering car names into his ear. He doesn’t know what to make of it, but he knows he’s getting sex. It’s really funny. He does it to me with names of presidents. I get wet every time I hear the name Millard Fillmore now.
16. We film ourselves having sex and we usually watch the previous session while we’re having sex.
17. As a joke, my wife once suggested we go to the bathroom to have sex while we were on a train. Now every time we want to have sex, one of us says, “Wanna go to the bathroom?”