21 People Reveal Their Embarrassing And Ridiculously Perverted Stories For Our Enjoyment

Flickr / Jes
Flickr / Jes

Found on r/AskReddit.

1. When I was younger, maybe around 11 or 12, I used to fap to the sounds of my parents having sex, and sometimes cried while I did it.

Jack_In_the_Cumbox

2. One day I watched people have sex in their car while I sat in my own car and ate cheesecake.

janista

3. I was 10 years old playing in my backyard. It was full of snow and I was just laying down on my back. I wondered what it would feel like to stick my dick in the snow. So I laid on my stomach and pretty much slid down my 3 layers of pants and stuck my dick in the snow. Fuck it felt so good in a weird way. Then my mom came out and she saw my ass as I was struggling to pull my 3 layers of pants back on without revealing I was pretty much fucking the snow.

She can be pretty clueless at times at just asked if I wanted hot chocolate after I got back in. I said yes.

Had_To_Switch

4. When I was 12 or 13 I spanked under the thing they put on you while getting a haircut. The woman was so hot and flaunted her boobs. Didn’t take long.

I honestly don’t think she knew. I have no idea how long it took but I knew my time was limited since my 12 year old haircut was basically just a buzz and snip. I remember propping the smock over the arm rests to hide any motion and I just pocket-fapped quick. I doubt at 12 there was any substantial splooge to hide or worry about. Plus I always wore goofy shorts back in the 80’s and splooge stains would have blended right in.

emmetotter74

5. I used to live in a old apartment building that had paper thin walls. I had some really hot neighbors, and I always thought they were just loud. My room was right next to their bathroom and there was an access panel of some sort in my closet between the rooms.

One of them used to sing in the shower and had a beautiful voice. The other used to masturbate and make little moaning noises… Every morning I would fap to the sound of their quirky little bathroom rituals. I regret the day that I looked behind the access panel and found plumbing, bare studs, and an electrical outlet that was conveniently cracked and provided a perv-fect view of the room which was faptastic. Every young guys dream.

After living there for a while I got to know them pretty well, and we would drink beers and make food sometimes… One day I was over for dinner and they asked me who I fapped to more. Wha? They knew I watched them but wanted to know who finished me more. My face has never been so hot in my life… I still watched them. Every once in a while I would catch a little smirk. The saddest day of my life was when they moved out of that apartment and “Steve” moved in…

– Anonymous

6. When I was young we used to have foreign students stay at our home. They used to have their own bedroom, with a built in shower. My room was next to theirs. Each bedroom had bay-windows and I used to position the mirror in their room with mine so I could watch the girls take showers. From the age of 7 to 15 I watched sexy (and some not so sexy) French, Spanish and German girls shower.

I must have seen 50 different girls. I know it was wrong, but I was young and horny, and the internet did not exist.

– Anonymous

7. I’ve pooped in someone’s chimney before. They were home.

Arizzletron

8. Jerked off to my grandma’s breast cancer awareness screening booklet. Not proud of that guys.

IshotAbeLincoln

9. I once realized I had been following this car for a while, and started thinking about what the person in the car was like. I could see it was a young woman, with long, beautiful hair. She had cute bumper stickers, and a light blue car. After another twenty minutes of just happening to take the same turns she did, I started really wanting to know what this girl looked like.

Then, she took a turn off my route, and in a split second decision I followed her. I followed her for a few minutes before it really sunk in how wrong it was, but by this time I’d have wasted ten minutes following someone for no reason if I turned around, so I figured I’d wait til we got to a two lane road to see what she looked like, then make my way back.

Well, time kept passing, and I kept thinking “if I turn back now I’ve wasted this much time, well if I turn back now I’ve wasted even more time.”

We never got to a two lane road. Back road after back road, until it would have been beyond obvious that I was following her. But I followed on. Almost a solid hour passed, and I found we were in a very remote part of an already small town — nowhere near my home. I realized that the last turn I had followed her down was her driveway. I hadn’t even realized. It was a long curvy drive.
I didn’t know what to do, so I just froze and parked. I thought maybe she wouldn’t notice me, she’d get out of her car, go into her house, and not see me. I could just back out. but she didn’t. She got out, and stared right at my car.

Now, first of all, she was actually very pretty. Not drop dead gorgeous, but definitely beautiful. She just stared at my car. Waiting for me to get out, or roll down my window, or explain something. So I got out and made up the best bullshit I could:

“I’m not from around the area, and I got really lost. I figured if I followed someone they’d hit a main road eventually. I realize how creepy this must look, I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to turn into your driveway.”

She kind of laughed it off and directed me back to the nearest main road. Before I left I made some jokes about her bumper stickers, and we laughed a little.

I left, and got home using my GPS.

EVEN WEIRDER is that I knew her first name and town she lived in, so I knew what school she was likely to go to. I searched through Facebook for people with her first name that went to the school in town, until I found her. She accepted, but we’ve absolutely never talked. (though I do still occasionally like her statuses).

away_we_throw123

10. Back when I was a freshman in high school, I had a ridiculously huge crush on this friend of mine. Somehow, I made a bet with a friend about something stupid, and if I won, the girl I liked would have to give me the pair of panties she was wearing (because the friend I made a bet with wouldn’t do this herself and the girl I liked was a stand in, for reasons that probably have to do with the fact that we were all young and stupid). I ended up winning the bet, and so at the end of the night, the girl nervously went into the bathroom and took off her panties. She came back out, very obviously embarrassed at going commando under her dress, and pressed a fistful of black cotton panties into my hand straight away.

I guess this post would be creepy enough if I simply said that I was turned on by holding her freshly-used and still warm panties in my hand, but nope. It gets worse. That night, I went home and meticulously scrutinized the panties, everything from the scent to the pattern of white discharge left behind on the inside of the otherwise black and flawless pair of panties. I slept with them under my pillow, one hand still intertwined with them beneath my head, and even woke up once during the night to sniff them some more. I think I may have licked them too.

Still worse, the next morning, I actually wore them for awhile, trying to feel some indirect contact between my genitals and hers. I don’t think I actually masturbated to them, but I was undeniably aroused. But here’s the kicker: after deciding that I couldn’t just leave the panties around for my parents to find, I cut them into thin strips and made the strips of her panties into a bracelet that I wore for weeks. I even told her that I’d done this and proudly produced my wrist to her to display the admittedly poorly-made bracelet.

Improbable as it is, we’re actually dating now, years later. I told her that I was joking about the panties-into-bracelet thing and I never told her about the creeper things I did with them before, but that’s probably for the best.

– Anonymous

11. Let’s see here. I once jacked off and used my mom’s bra to wipe up, then put it back in her bra drawer. I had sex with a stuffed gorilla before I was producing, so instead of cumming I peed all over it. I once had like 6 dudes jacking off in my room at one time, I was included. I farted in my mom’s cereal and watched her eat it. I used to dig in my ass hole to get the shit out whenever I was constipated. I used to film myself fapping so I could see if I looked like the dudes in the pornos. I injured my spine trying to suck my own penis as a kid, had to go to the doctor, told him I fell off my bed.

– Anonymous

12. I stared into the reflection of myself on the car window next to me to fix my hair and check if I had anything in my teeth. To my horror, I looked closer and discovered there were people inside the car staring back at me, terrified.

nanomikki

13. When I was a teenager a girl left her pillow at my place. I didn’t realize it was hers and used it as a fap rag for like 2 months straight and once it got too crusty to used I just tossed it into a corner and forgot about it.

It was a nice golden yellow and crunchy…

So later on she comes over, sees the pillow and is like “oh there’s my pillow” grabs it and leaves.

Later on she told me that pillow ‘smelled really good and reminded her of me’ and she slept on it for months.

– Anonymous

14. I used to masturbate in class all the time. I would just discreetly push a pen against my clit through my pants. It wasn’t enough stimulation to come, but I would get myself all worked up then excuse myself to the bathroom. There I would fuck myself quickly to completion and then come back to class.

LustyLadyViolet

15. When I was 16, I went to go visit a friend out of state, I ended up staying in her moms house with her 3 sisters. It was a very old house. The house has a ton of little holes in it, you could see through cracks in the wall straight into the shower or into other bedrooms. On the second floor there were cracks on the floor that let you see onto the floors below. Then as if to make things worse, one of the bathroom doors was a curtain that went down to about your knees. Needless to say I couldn’t help myself. The girls were all very attractive and I wanted to see them naked.

So me being a pervy little kid, I spied on the 3 girls. One was 15, the other was 18 and the last one was in her late 20s. I would intentionally try to look under the curtain in place of the bathroom door so I could watch the girls when they got out of the shower. I’d go to the 2nd floor and look through the crack on the floor to peep at the oldest daughter in her bedroom, but I never saw much of her. The 18-year-old would sleep in a shirt and panties so I would get up in the middle of the night and peep into her room in hopes that I would see. The 15-year-old would walk around her room in the nude so I especially paid attention to her. She would stand in front of the bathroom mirror forever so I even contemplated buying a little wind up camera so I could photograph her after she showered, I never followed through with that. I wasn’t regularly exposed to naked girls so as you guys would imagine this was a goldmine for me.

And then one day, I went to go visit my friend at her part time job, and I noticed something odd. She was ignoring me, as were all of her friends, it was very strange. I didn’t think much of it until I went back to the house and one of her friends was there and he told me this: “Word around the block is you’ve got your eye on girls in this house, you should be careful.” I was petrified to hear this, this is why everyone was ignoring me.

I lost my shit, THEY CAUGHT ME. And everyone around town knew it. (this was a small town) I’m guessing someone at the house told my friend and she told her coworkers and her coworkers told their friends and so on. So now I was the town pervert. I suspect that it might have been a time while I was trying to peer under the bathroom curtain thing, I was laying on the floor pretending to read a book and I kept glancing over there trying to catch a look at one of the girls when she stepped out of the shower. The thought that somebody saw me do this is terrifying.

So after a day of awkwardness (nobody at dinner even looked at me) and an evening of fearing for my well being (Their dad slept on the recliner outside of the room I was sleeping in which was unusual, I think he was trying to make sure I didn’t leave my room) I decided it was time to go home early. I called my mom and pretended I just didn’t like it here and I wanted to go home so she had my flight rescheduled and I flew home the next day. I took the bus to the airport, I didn’t even say goodbye to the family because I knew I was in deep shit. They didn’t seem to care that I was leaving and I don’t blame them, why would they with this pervy kid living in their home, eating their food, taking up space?

I came home, deleted her from my myspace, (facebook didnt exist yet) threw away her phone number and never spoke to any of them ever again. Never again, never again.

Feels good to have gotten that out there. I feel horrible about what I did, even though I was a kid I had no excuse spying on these girls during their private moments. I wish I could say sorry but I’ve completely lost touch with that family. This was the last time I ever violated someones privacy in this manner. I feel dreadful for doing this and if I could somehow find them I would like to apologize. No amount of raging hormones or anything like that excuses my behavior. I’m sorry.

– REDDITNAME

16.

throwawaypervert22

17. When I was living with my ex-, we spent some time in a rural part of the country and so we could afford a pretty big house. The only problem was that it was relatively secluded. It was “in town,” but this particular street was very wooded and so at night time it could get a bit scary.

So, I’m lying down in my bed masturbating away merrily while my ex- is watching TV in the other room. I’m pounding away and I come so, so close to climax…

Just as I climax, my ex- bursts through the door to the bedroom. “There are some guys outside on the porch and they tapped on the front window when they saw me!” My eyes shoot open and I stand up with a start. Stream after stream of cum shoots out of my cock, most of it landing on the floor in front of my ex-.

We stare at each other. She has a look of horror from both the home invader and the unexpected semen discharge, I have a look of horror and shame. Finally, I grab a pillow to cover my crotch and run out into the living room after my ex-.

The two guys are there still, standing on the porch, but they look a bit alarmed. My ex- having run off startled them a bit, and when they saw us coming back I think they presumed that we were bringing a gun. Well, in fact, I was bringing a gun, but it wasn’t loaded anymore – still cocked though.

I figured we had the element of surprise and terror to one-up them so I dropped the pillow, my still erect phallus swinging in their direction, and started to unlock the door. I started screaming “GONNA FUCK YOUR SHIT,” at the top of my lungs over and over again. Both guys looked at each other and went completely pale. One of them was holding some sort of weapon I think but he screamed like a little girl and ran just as quickly as the other. I didn’t even need to finish unlocking the door.

– Anonymous

18. Freshman year of highschool, liked this guy. Found out his locker. His group of friends. The cars his parents drove. The things he was good at. The music he liked. What his dogs looked like. His house number. Stalked the fuck out of him. Never thought we would be friends because he was a senior that year. We are currently pretty much best friends, over at my house all the time, and he never knew any of that shit. I was like 14 and he was 18-19. I was a creep like no other.

I even found out about his siblings and fucked with them.

Swansatron

19. When I was about 14 I went to a doctor and got tests ran to see if I had A.D.D. The doctor did all these stupid memory tests with flash cards which took about an hour. Then they put me in this room with a HUGE test and told me I had two hours to complete it. I decided that it was bullshit and that I wasn’t going to do any of the test. So as I sat there, I got really horny for some reason and started to beat off furiously, as any other 15-year-old boy in a testing room would do.

I finished, hid the cum-filled tissues under the couch cushions, sat around a bit more, and was then called into the doc’s office and listened as he told me and my dad that yes, I have Attention Deficit Disorder. It wasn’t until a few years later that I realized they put people in those rooms with big tests and videotape them as they work on the tests. They are able to see how someone might struggle to focus or whatever. So basically this doctor was getting a live feed of me beating off in the room next to him and then disrespecting the shit out of his couch by putting the evidence under the cushions.

I always felt like that guy never really liked me. Now I know why.

graysa

20. Around age 12, I started stealing pictures of of my sister and her friends, block out my sister and jack off to them. She had many attractive friends.. I’d also do the deed on my sisters bed. Note i had no attraction to my sister whatsoever. It was just the off limits and feminine sensation that got me off.

A friend of my mom’s kinda lived with us for a while, she was a curvy girl. And I heard she started prostitution to make money. I don’t know if she did or not. But the thought excited me. She had clothes in my bedroom closet. I found these little jean shorts of hers and I would put on and check out my own ass in the mirror. She was kinda busty and left a bra in my bathroom. I would put it on, stuff it with toilet paper. Grope myself and masturbate.

I’d go over to a friend’s house, who had a younger sister that he was extremely over-protective about. I had known them for a few years already. Then puberty hit her like a ton of bricks and she inherited her family’s big breasts. I watched her jogging a few times. She played soccer so had a toned body. When i would go over, I’d tell my friend I was gonna “take a shit” then I’d wander in her room and grab/sniff her bra and panties. Lick them on the nipple spot. Rub them in my pants. I ended up dating her later for about a year and punched her v-card. I never told her of the perverted acts I had toward her previously.

Among the worst I’m willing to share: My uncle’s girlfriend had a daughter around my age. Who spent the summer with us. She was beautiful with all the right curves in all the right places. She didn’t talk a lot, but we watched a lot of TV together. I spent most of it admiring her beauty. I’d try to just feel her however possible at times. Sitting on the same couch and having my foot on her side of the couch to feel her legs or something. Well, eventually that lead to groping her when she was asleep. And once licked her boobs as she was asleep. I think she woke up and saw me. I scrambled away and acted like I was sleeping.

Not too long ago. I had broken up with my gf, because she decided to randomly become a bitch. After I moved to a new place, I found one of her shirts in my things. Used it as a cum rag for a long time.

Among these I also experimented with tons of different things, places etc. Like jacking off in my friends living room under a blanket with his whole family pretty much in there. His sister was vaguely hot.

Ksixx

21. I was a teen on vacation with the family. Decided to do my own thing and check out girls around the resort. Walking up to the pool area I noticed a woman was lying face down on her pool chair and her bikini bottom was too loose and her vagina was exposed. I kept walking back and forth to build up memory for later jerking. When I felt I was good to go I went to turn and go back to my room but then I saw my dad walk over to the woman and sit down next to her. It was my mom. TC mark

– Anonymous

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