17. When I was 16, my doctor decided to run a test on my heart. I had no idea exactly why, or what it involved, but the next thing I know, I’m in a room with his assistant – a middle aged, large, Eastern European woman whose name should be Helga or the like, telling me to “zek off yur cloz!” I take off my shoes, jeans, and shirt, remaining in a bra and undies. She then seems upset, and barks “Why ze bra? yu tink I have seen no female part before?!”
After these pleasantries, I’m lying on the exam table, staring at the ceiling, just waiting for the whole ordeal to end, when she seems to get upset, and readjusts an electrode she just put on me. She then says “Stop distracting me!” I should mention, the room was very cold, and my chest, well- you know what happens.
Needless to say, I changed doctors.
18. I went in for my first lady parts check and the doctor would occasionally put his thumb on my clit and press hard. I don’t know if this was pervy or it just didn’t occur to him but it was really, REALLY uncomfortable and it turned me off from ever going back.
19. Accidentally ripped half my foreskin off while having sex. Went to the ER and had it reattached. At my first checkup a few days later, the urologist at the hospital said, “Oh! It’s YOU!”
Rescued the situation when he asked me, “Just what the hell kind of sex have you been having?” My response was simply: “The fun kind.”
20. For whatever reason when I was 20 and in college I needed a physical. I hadn’t been to the doctor in a while and needed it ASAP. My parents suggested I just see my old pediatrician. I scheduled an appointment and went.
Long story short, I did what I always did when I’d get a physical. Strip down and get on the table. Even though the nurse lady didn’t tell me to.(I guess you don’t normally get down to your underwear when you’re older??)
So I’m sitting on the table in my underwear and my doctor walks in. Behind him comes in a super hot female medical student who is maybe a year older than me at the most. Now mind you, I didn’t look young at all and she was probably used to working with 5 year olds all day. I’m 6’1″ 210 with a full beard.
So we all exchange awkward hellos and introductions. I tried to make some jokes that bombed and for some reason kept trying to joke my way out of being nearly naked in front of her.
So were going through all the usual stuff, the doctor would check my heart, she would check my heart, he would check my eyes, she would check my eyes.
All the while I’m holding back a RAGING boner. (she was sooo hot and I was 20) So now came the part that I couldn’t decide if I was super excited or super terrified for, it was time for the testicle exam. The doctor checks and then continues to something else. So I decided the right thing to ask her “are your hands not big enough for this part of the exam”
To which the doctor immediately asks her to leave the room.
The following 15 minutes were the most awkward moments of my life. Not a single word was exchanged. I left and later find out while checking out that the girl was the doctors niece.