15. Went in to get my blood drawn for some reason when I was 18 or so. I kept flexing my forearm when she was trying to put the needle in one of my veins and it didn’t work correctly and blood started flowing freely out of my arm. Then she tried my left arm and I felt like I was about to pass out. Woke up on the floor covered in my own piss. It was pretty embarrassing walking past everyone in the office, waiting room, and parking lot with piss-soaked pants.
16. I was working at Best Buy (this was the early 90s) back when the store layout was much more heavily based on tall isles and stock was stored on top of the isles. We had to load and unload that stock and somehow, I had managed to strain hard enough during one of my shifts that I gave myself a case of hemorrhoids.
Now, this was long before Web MD and I wasn’t exactly educated about such things, so I “dealt with it” as long as I could, until one day I went to my mom and told her what was happening. She promptly took me to doctor to get everything checked.
As soon as the Doctor took a look he said “Ok, this thing is about to burst, we need to cut it out.”
“I’m sorry, what? Cut what on who?”
He then turns to the doctors assistant who was also in the room and says “Can you get Kelly for me?”. Obviously, I’m not thrilled at two people already having peered deeply into my soul from the bottom up, and I’m not really keen on a third observer. The doctor then proceeds to tell me what is about to happen.
“We can’t give you any anesthetic. The blood vessels of the anus are too small and anesthetic may cause clotting” [I’m not sure if he said clotting specifically, but there was some risk of complication]
The door opens and in walks Kelly, who is a probably 6 foot 5 and 240 pounds. I then learns that Kelly’s job is to help spread my butt cheeks apart and hold me still while the doctor cuts out the hemorrhoid.
Now one might assume that having a large man hold my butt cheeks apart while my ass is sliced up is the embarrassing part but not so much. After the doctor finishes with the stitched, the nurse comes in and hands me a maxi-pad.
“What is this?”
The doctor then tells me “Well, you’re going to be bleeding for a while, you should put that in your boxers to catch any spotting.”
And thats how I came to wear maxi pads for almost two weeks during my senior year of high school.