1. Walking in on a client smoking a crack pipe. A guy who booked me exclusively because I looked like his ex – he made me shower with her shampoo/shower gel before each booking. One guy always wanted me to wear a balaclava during sex.
2. I had a guy pay me to sit on his face and smother him with my butt cheeks. I didn’t even have to get naked. He told me his sister used to punish him when he was a kid by sitting on him until he almost blacked out, and now it’s a weird fetish.
3. A guy I last saw a month ago would quote movies while fucking. He was also HUGE. Both his dick and his weight.
We would be fucking and he’d say things like “I am the danger!”/”Chaos isn’t a pit, it’s a ladder!”
I’d have to press my head into the pillow not to die laughing. Once for the entire hour he just had me repeat “You’re a big guy,” to which he’d reply “For You,” which he told me is from the Dark Knight Rises.
I kind of miss him, regular, paid well and fucking hilarious.
4. Some guy wanted to watch me stuff a thong into my vagina, make me cum with it in there, and then pull it out. He was going to pay extra to keep the thong. But I tried the feat beforehand and found it unsurprisingly uncomfortable and declined.
5. I got asked to insert my feet into a guy’s ass…. politely declined that job.
6. Not particularly “weird” but lots of clients prefer me to wear leggings and uggs instead of sexy lingerie. Also had a large amount of little people ask me to humiliate them by calling them “stupid midgets” etc.
7. Ex-stripper here, gave a 2 hour long lap dance to a guy who wanted me to talk about vacuums the whole time. It’s really hard to make vacuums sexy!
8. I used to work nights in reception at an escort agency that had about 50% of the escort adverts (Asian line, Indian, BBW, you name it) in my city. My job was to pick up the phone and offer quotes/match the right girl for the right fantasy. Not all liked doing certain things.
So one night I get this guy that was looking for a girl that could wear PVC clothing, while using a strapon on him. That wasn’t an all out request, it had happened before. But he also wanted her to sprinkle talcum powder all over him while doing that and bark while they were watching dog porn.
One of the girls came back to the office one night and told us that her client had gone to the restroom at the start of her booking and came back out with the toilet brush up his butt. He then proceeded to wanting to have sex with her “doggy style.”
That was an interesting job.
9. Male escort for about 3 years – the worst would be having an out-call and having to fuck a guy in front of his girlfriend. He loved it.
She just glared at me the whole time. I felt really bad about it. I’ll always remember the way she sat, staring at me while I had my way with her husband in their bedroom. So sorry, but he paid for it. I just feel bad about it. That was about 10 years ago.
Sorry Mrs Client. I probably had about 1,200 jobs during that time – that was the worst for unspoken personal conflict.
10. Once I sold mushrooms to everyone at work, thinking they would want to take them home and do them in a comfortable place. NOPE. 20+ strippers tripping balls, pupils like saucers, staring at the lights like they’re made of magic, stumbling around and giggling like little girls. Some girls forgot what they were doing on stage and in lapdances. Done were just rolling around on the floor by the end of the night. Two girls got into a fist fight, which turned into the one going down on the other. Yes, seriously. That happened. I was the only sober stripper and made a lot of money that night.
I got paid a lot of money to tell a cop fart jokes. Then I rode him around the room like a pony.
I also got paid $900 on two separate occasions to pee into an nypd officer’s mouth. He said it was for good luck in poker games. Personally, I think he just liked to drink pee. 10/10 would do again.
A guy used to come to our club and hand us a cup to pee into and $50.
Another guy would come in and pay me to kick him in the balls. He was really nice and sang in a barbershop quartet.
I had a customer who looked exactly like Yosemite Sam with a gold French manicure. He liked to be called, “Michelle,” even though his name was already “Stacy.” He wore women’s underwear and shook the entire time I gave him lap dances.
I really regular looking guy came in one night, told me that he liked my outfit and asked me if I wanted to have some fun. Apparently “fun” to him was him wearing my tutu and fishnets while I threatened to go get our bouncer and have him fuck the guy in the ass. Then he wanted me to take pictures of him. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, though. But now I kind of wish that I had.
You could literally find LARGE chunks and baggies of cocaine everywhere. EVERYWHERE.
I have lots of other funny and not-so-funny stories.
11. Former cam girl: a guy asked me to insert my glasses up my ass. Yeah, no.
12. I had a guy who had a fetish for leggings and told me he watched the Disney Channel because of all the hot chicks in leggings. Uh, ok.
Also the guy who told me he specifically married the bitchiest woman he ever met because that’s what his dad told him to do.
Also my first introduction into snowballing.
13. Former “bachelor party” dancer and entertainer. Lots of very drunk sex. A few guys cried. It was fun. The nice thing was it was a second job so it wasn’t full time. And we used the parties to meet future clients. A little easier legally.
14. I heard a story from one where some kid came in with his mom to lose his virginity. She was a single mother so it’s not as shocking but still I imagine it was just really fucking awkward for everyone involved.
I’m not saying she’s a bad mother or anything I found it less shocking once I found out she was a single mother because that means the kids dad was probably not around to take him somewhere like that so his mom did it. IMO that’s a pretty great mom even though it would still be weird.
15. I had this scrawny 18-year-old offer to pay me five whole dollars to stick his entire hand up my pussy, without a glove or even washing, in the dancing booth. I tried not to laugh and kept declining until it was clear he wasn’t interested in a lap dance at all, so I left and went to the bouncer.
The kid followed me to the bouncer protesting, insisting that I wasn’t understanding his offer correctly. I told the bouncer the kid was trying to buy extras and the bouncer told him to beat it. Then the kid ARGUES with the bouncer and says, “No no no, you don’t understand, I’m offering her FIVE DOLLARS.” He got thrown out still convinced there was a misunderstanding.
16. Not a call girl per se. I haven’t had sex with clients but I have done video requests for money. I’m exclusive with my boyfriend, love him a ton and we are both comfortable doing it.
A guy requested my boyfriend dress in a suit, I suck my boyfriend to nearly completion, then my boyfriend had to jack off into his own hand and display his cum to the camera. The guy gave us a list of talking points about his shoes, to be discussed throughout the session.
A guy requested I chug a can of soda then burp loudly. I expected it to be nearly impossible to chug a can of soda (I’m super sensitive to carbonated beverages and find them difficult to drink) but for some reason it was pretty easy to do.
A guy requested I (sort of) lift/hold my boyfriend in different positions.
A guy requested I tie my boyfriend to a chair and suck him off.
17. The funniest moment that had always stuck with me was with this older client I had. He was a regular for me, somewhere in his late sixties. All he ever wanted to do was preform oral sex on me. Cool, right. And then one afternoon he described a specific lady part of mine by saying “it’s like a little turtle”. I laughed for a week. Anytime someone talks about eating turtles, I die a little inside.
18. I work as an escort now, but my weirdest one (the weirdest FUNNY one anyway – there have been a lot of “crazy” that wasn’t funny at all) happened while I was homeless and not really an escort. I had also broken/sprained my foot a few nights previously and had it in one of those boot things so I was limping pretty hard.
I meet a dude randomly at the metrolink station who wants me to come back to his house and give me some cash and some pills for a blow job. That’s what I was into at that time in my life so I agreed. I limped back to this dude’s house, which was really his mom’s house, and he took me in the basement.
Well, I start giving him head and it’s going okay. But I was pretty strung out on heroin at the time and hadn’t had any that day and was feeling kind of sick. I was planning to use the money he paid me to get some after I was done. But as I am sucking his dick, I start getting more and more nauseous and gagging a little. And then I realize I’m going to puke.
So I TRY to tap him to warn him and to get his dick out of his mouth, but he just jams it down my throat further, and I gag and vomit. On his dick. And I jerk backwards and say sorry, I’m done, and grab my shit and try to scramble out as fast as I can with a limpy fucked up foot.
But I didn’t need to bother, because when I looked back at him, he was still standing there, with his eyes closed, and holding his dick covered in my puke, finishing himself off.
19. I’m a former webcam model, one of the weirdest experiences was one guy who told me he was a bully right off the bat and wanted to do a RP. I apparently shoved him into a whale tank because he pinched my butt and I didn’t like it. Then the whale ate him and a bunch of schoolkids who were watching were happy because again, he was a bully. There was more to it and I started to run out of things to say, but he kept tipping me throughout the conversation.