16 People Reveal The Dumbest Law-Related Advice They’ve Ever Heard
By Brian Gates
1. Lawsuits, lawsuits everywhere
The number of people who arent aware of or understand the concept of at-will employment is astounding to me. The conversation usually goes something like this: “You got fired for (insert virtually anything other than being a member of a protected class and whistleblowing)? Sounds like a lawsuit to me!”
2. Just bad advice
“Just sell your house to your sister for a dollar and then you won’t have a house.”
Really stupid divorce advice.
3. About the First Amendment…
This isn’t technically legal advice, but it’s a misunderstanding of the law that gets really old. People think that the First Amendment’s free speech rights extend beyond government action. Like when A&E temporarily suspended that guy for his anti-gay rant, a bunch of people started shouting that he had the freedom to say whatever he wanted and A&E was suppressing his right to free speech.
It’s only the government that isn’t allowed to suppress free speech (and even then there are many exceptions). An employer or any other private entity is allowed to censor almost any speech they want.
4. Parents give bad advice sometimes
My parents.
I went to pay for a bad speeding ticket that had to be settled in court. My parents really nagged it into me like crazy that I had to have a long dragged out excuse for my actions or else the judge was going to throw the book at me. They kept saying over and over “You got to think of something big to excuse your actions or you’re fucked!”
Thank God I was not the first person on the docket that day I would have totally fucked myself. I had a million things going through my head about what excuse I would have for the judge. I spent a couple of hours watching other people testify before and I noticed a rather significant pattern. Every single person who pleaded with an excuse had the book thrown at them, people who kept their mouth shut and pleaded guilty simply paid the fine and were sent on their way. One guy who pleaded with an excuse was hauled away in handcuffs and his speeding ticket was only $50 higher than mine.
And right on the ticket it says in bold letter “You can not plead guilty to a lesser charge” which turned out to be bullshit. Every single person who kept their mouth shut, including me, paid a reduced fine and was sent on our merry way. I didn’t even lose any points of my license (but I found out months later that was likely because the traffic courts records were so far behind they decided to trash them rather than follow up as to who was going to have points taken off of their license.)
These court system just want to move shit along. Plead whatever the hell makes them the least amount of trouble and effort and you can get off pretty easy as long as it’s not too serious a charge.
5. “Let’s commit fraud, together!”
Not a lawyer, but whenever someone advises the spouse of a cheater to empty the bank accounts, or to liquidate a joint asset and put it solely in their name only. You’re advising someone to commit textbook fraudulent transfers and if it goes really badly, that person may be penalized in favor of the cheater. Obviously it all depends on local laws though.
6. He just didn’t want to pay it
Family lawyer here.
“What do you mean I have to pay spousal support? I know a guy who makes way more than me and he didn’t have to pay anything!”
“Do you know how much money his ex makes?”
“No.”
“Do you know how their assets and debts were split up?”
“No.”
“Do you know if the wife was even looking for spousal support at all?”
“No.”
“Well, every case is different, and that’s why your friend might have gotten a very different result.”
Long pause.
“… Yeah, but he makes way more than me and doesn’t have to pay support..”
7. AGAL: Always Get A Lawyer
“If you are being interrogated as the suspect for a crime that you really didn’t do, invoking your right to an attorney will just make you look more guilty.”
No, just no. If the cops are suspicious of you anyway, what do you care what they think about you asking for a lawyer? Even if it does make you look “more guilty,” it’s a lot better than a confession they got you to sign because you don’t know the law and you let them convince you that the situation was hopeless… A confession which now your lawyer has to try to get thrown out or, failing that (which they probably will), try to get a jury not to believe.
8. Barry?!
You can’t charge a husband and wife for the same crime.
9. “You a cop?”
If a hooker asks somebody if they’re a cop, cops have to tell the truth.
10. Let the unfriending begin!
When one of my facebook friends puts this on their profile. . . they are no longer my facebook friend:
PRIVACY NOTICE: Warning – any person and/or institution and/or Agent and/or Agency of any governmental structure including but not limited to the United States Federal Government also using or monitoring/using this website or any of its associated websites, you do NOT have my permission to utilize any of my profile information nor any of the content contained herein including, but not limited to my photos, and/or the comments made about my photos or any other “picture” art posted on my profile. You are hereby notified that you are strictly prohibited from disclosing, copying, distributing, disseminating, or taking any other action against me with regard to this profile and the contents herein. The foregoing prohibitions also apply to your employee, agent, student or any personnel under your direction or control.
The contents of this profile are private and legally privileged and confidential information, and the violation of my personal privacy is punishable by law.
11. Can’t kill people on your property, no sir, no
Ignorance about everything. Like you can do whatever you want in your own home or on private property, cause you govern your own property. Murder is legal as long as it’s on your own property.
No. Fuck no.
– Xantoxu
12. This is entrapment
Cop here – not a lawyer – BUT every time I hear someone ask “I heard (insert any random possibility) is entrapment.” Here is an example of entrapment: Undercover Cop tells you “if you do not buy this crack I’m selling I’m going to fucking kill you.” Entrapment can only happen if a cop makes you do something you wouldn’t normally do and he basically forces/coerces you into it.
13. What idiots actually believe in this
That the IRS isn’t legal and you have no duty to pay your taxes. It is legal, and you will pay.
– AJAMG
14. Fake jail
“University cops aren’t the real police.” Yes, they’ll just cuff you with fake handcuffs, throw you in the back of their fake cruiser and take you to fake jail.
15. Yes…evil_steve knows it all
Anything about “breaching human rights”.
The European Convention on Human Rights only applies to the government breaching your rights. Your next door neighbour therefore cannot be sued for it.
16. This has a word I cannot pronounce, so it must be truth!
Not a lawyer but i know many people that will believe bad legal advice as long as you use words that make what you’re saying “lawish”. The same people are easily fooled by many crappy alternative medicines that claim the weirdest stuff but they use words like circulatory system which boggles their mind so it has to be true.