FedEx Kinko’s is America’s premiere destination for copies, presentations, and business printing. Yet whenever I go in there, it feels like the store could be more efficiently run by puppies and easily confused clowns.
I wanna confess, not to something I did, but to something I’m definitely going to do. You see, I’m going to kill my personal trainer Tony, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.
Dan hands him a giant bag full of Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches. God rips into the bag and starts eating.
It’s a strange feeling, opening your closet every morning and seeing a bunch of crappy clothes, and then one super-nice suit that isn’t really an option unless you kinda wanna look like an idiot.
Your instinct is to feel bad for my cat, but seriously, don’t. She’ll be fine. She just has to swallow some vitamins everyday — the one to feel bad for is me, because I’m the one that’s gotta make her do it.
I mean, if Netflix knows everything about us, how we’ll react and respond to a variety of stimuli, why are we wasting this power on a movie? I say it’s time we put Netflix in charge of our entire lives.
So I said you must have a phone that couldn’t text, that I heard those existed somewhere, and then I walked out of the room. Because, honestly, I didn’t want you to text.
Why, after too many terrible dates to count, and only a handful of encounters that can reasonably be deemed successes, am I still trying to meet people online? I mean, if every time you opened your front door, a guy hit you in the face with a hammer, you’d probably stop opening the front door, right?
I’m gonna say “the beach isn’t really my thing,” and then they’re gonna ask “how can anyone not like the beach?!” with shock and dismay, as if I just told a 6 year-old that Santa doesn’t exist.
Because there’s something considered a little off about a guy and his kitty. In fact, typing the word “kitty” just now gave me a little bit of seizure. But I am here to speak out on our behalf. I will endure the shame no longer. I am a male cat owner, and I want sdfsgar3ea! Sorry. My cat walked across the keyboard.