A Petty Girl’s Guide To Surviving That Breakup

jessica day
New Girl

A non-petty girl will handle certain situations, such as a breakup, very differently than a petty girl.

This the petty girl’s guide to dealing with a breakup. Whether you were the one dumped or doing the dumping, all of the following rules still apply. Now, please do not be mistaken. This guide is not a diss to whoever it is you are leaving behind — no bad mouthing or negativity here. Simply, this guide serves the sole purpose of helping our fellow petty girls get the gratification they need after a romantic relationship has ended. Let’s begin.

unfriend / unfollow

I bet you thought I was going to talk about deleting phone numbers first. Nope, there is something much more pressing than just having contact by telephone. There is this thing called social media, which allows people from all other the world to contact you and see what you are doing. So, if this is possible, what makes you think your new ex-lover won’t be doing the same?

Sometimes you can catch yourself lurking, even if you were the one who called things off, so it’s time to cut social media off. Well, how do I do that? Delete them, their friends and their cousin’s friends off ALL of your social media profiles. I don’t care if you only use Pinterest and Instagram. For this special occasion, you will need to hunt down your password for Facebook and “unfollow” and “unfriend” anyone and anything dealing with your ex.

social media detox

You may think that’s too radical, but we are petty girls. You know you are thinking it, so just do it. Be about it. Social media plagues our minds, even when we are enjoying our solitude. Say you’re having a me-day, probably during one Sunday morning, and you’re scrolling. Five or 10 minutes into your relaxation, you see something about your ex that you don’t need to see. Whether it is a post showing their new boo, or pictures of them at the club every other night, it is ruining your aura and needs to go.

home cleaning

Another reason why all communication through social media has to be cut off is connection to you with minimal effort is a no-no. Frankly, they do not deserve that type of access to you. This goes for family and friends, too. No exceptions. It sucks, but that’s how the cookie crumbles.

Now that your social element is cleansed; let’s tidy up at home. Home meaning your cell phone. The thing you’re always connected too (so that’s how people know when you’re ignoring them). Yup, take that and delete all the selfies, cute candids and any other visual keepsakes. The relationship is no more, so the photos should follow suit. Don’t forget your laptop.

Next, we can delete the thing that most likely began the relationship: the number. Delete it. In some of our cases, deleting doesn’t matter because we memorized it *ahem* but, it’s still a necessary step. You can further clean up at home by getting rid of all tangible gifts and keepsakes around your place. This goes for clothing, teddies and all that.

tackle that inner work

I don’t believe that you have to get a new hairstyle or drastically change your physical appearance to be a new version of yourself. That starts from within. So we are going to do an attitude adjustment.

Petty girls don’t know who their exes are; do they really even have any? When you see your ex in public, don’t speak. Act like they are nonexistent. Start thinking and acting like a single girl by doing something to benefit yourself. Start that Etsy shop you always talked about, or make more time for reading, yoga, whatever it is you do to feel more like you.

Most importantly, go out clubbing as soon as possible. It doesn’t matter if it’s a Monday night in the middle of winter, find somebody to go with you. The sooner you rid yourself of that relationship weight, the better. What better to do that than to dance the night away? If you’re lucky, you might end up exchanging numbers with a hot stranger by the end of the night.

Rip that bandage off as soon as possible so you can begin to feel like yourself again. TC mark

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