I’ve had weeks to just be with my thoughts, sit with them, observe them and watch them pass through my mind.
I know at some point, I probably denied my feelings. I said to myself, ” Be grateful, today is another day.”
We are taught that in life, you shouldn’t complain or reveal your feelings of hurt, loneliness, or despair.
These feelings are dealt with behind closed doors; in the privacy of your own home. You deal with how you’re feeling and when you’re ready, you post a pretty picture online for your friends and family, so they believe that you are ‘happy.’
However, today is probably the day where everything you’ve been feeling has come to a realization. There’s no filter, no smile to cover up the dissatisfaction and frustration that you feel. There’s no pretty Instagram post or Twitter notification, either.
As astonishing as it may seem, I am coming to grips with feeling dissatisfied.
I’m dissatisfied because the hustle of being in your twenties and going from job to job isn’t easy, nor is it glamorous. Even though social media may suggest it should be the best time of our lives.
I’m dissatisfied because I’m still trying to find happiness in the midst of feeling like I’m not where I want to be in life. This feeling, coupled with the belief that others are perhaps ahead of me in some way or are having experiences that I’ve yet to discover.
It’s tiring being unsatisfied, but this is my reality and perhaps it’s yours as well.
But while you are hoping, feeling, and praying to get to that place where you’re truly happy, remember that happiness is not a destination, it’s a mindset.
I know it hurts to feel like you aren’t where you want to be, but maybe God is teaching you how to be content with what you currently have.
Maybe He’s building your character to teach you that happiness can’t be obtained from things, people, how much money you have, how many friends you have, or anything else you believe will complete you.
Maybe, to reach the pits of your soul, God wants to strip everything you’ve always held onto as a part of your identity; to show that although you feel empty, you still have Him to lean on.
Every day isn’t going to be perfect and I want you to know that this is okay. You’re human and there will always be days where life feels like it’s too much, or you question your worth, identity, where you should or shouldn’t be in life or if there will be a time where everything will finally feel right. Where living feels enough.
There will always be days that just feel like any other day and on these days, you will feel your humanity the most. You’ll take the mask off, you’ll cry, and you’ll be stripped naked, only to show your true self.
You’ll say to yourself, “I’m unsatisfied.”
This is okay.
Somewhere along the way, you’ll eventually find satisfaction in just being yourself, even if you’re scared, even if you’re not the person you envisioned.
This is my hope: That even if you’re sometimes dissatisfied, you will eventually find true happiness.