How To Forgive Them When You’ll Never Forget Them

woman in front of multicolored wall
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I think it is safe to say that many, if not all of us, have been affected by what others have said about us regarding our lives, careers, our life choices, or any other aspect that has value to us as individuals.

We are taught that growing up means developing a tough skin and having the ability to shake off comments that might dig a little too deep for our liking.

For instance, I know I am not the only one who has shared their goals and aspirations in life with others, only to be met by,“Do you really think you can do that?” Or the subtle, “Wow, that is a big goal. Good luck with that.” In your mind, you might think that not only is your dream attainable, but that friends, family, or coworkers will be ever so supportive of you.

Newsflash: That’s not how life works.

There will be people to cheer you on and offer positivity while you pursue your dreams and then there will be the naysayers and the people waiting at the sidelines for you to fail.

As someone who identifies as a sensitive being, I can’t count how many times I have felt invalidated by someone’s comments about my performance at work, school, or even negative comments bashing who I am as a person.

We all have all bore the brunt of someone’s negative opinions at some point or the other in our lives.

And while some will say that the best solution is to forget them and move on, sometimes you can’t forget the people who have hurt you. 

You may try to ‘tough it out’ and move on as the world has urged you to do, but because you are a human being with emotions and feelings, this isn’t as easy as it seems.

But you also know that harboring these feelings and past experiences only make you bitter and prevents you from moving on as well as forming healthy relationships with people.

So how do you move on then?

The answer: You forgive those who hurt you because you know that just like you have hurt, they have been hurt too. And hurt people, often hurt others in return.

I have gone through many experiences lately, either in my professional or personal life where I have felt invalidated. For a while, it would seriously upset me. I wouldn’t be able to function for a day or two without ruminating over these negative experiences and then I would harbour hate in my heart for the people I felt hurt me.

What I remembered during these times, however, is that every single human being on this planet reacts to people and events based on their interpretation on the situation and on life itself.

So, in a nutshell, 99% of people’s motives have nothing to do with you. It is only a reflection of their thinking and what they believed was right at the time.

When I got this aha moment, I literally was like, “Ok, this makes sense. I don’t have to react to every little thing that bothers me because most likely it doesn’t even have anything to do with me.”

Most of the time, people have no clue they have even offended you because sometimes it takes an outside person looking in to point out the wrongs we cannot see in ourselves.

Pride will also cause us to believe that we are too ‘perfect’ to ever be that way when in actuality, perfection does not exist.

So if you are harboring hate towards anything or anyone in your life I urge you to let it go because holding onto these feelings will only eat away at your insides while the people or events that caused you pain will fade away over time.

If someone has hurt you, it obviously won’t come overnight, but forgive them because you need to protect your peace and swallowing poison meant for them won’t make them die any faster.

If a situation is replaying in your head over and over again on how you felt at a certain time and the people involved won’t go away, forgive them anyways, because they taught you a lesson on how life works and how to better communicate with others.

If someone knocked your dreams and goals today, forgive them for they have yet to tap into their own glorious light.

If someone has been envious of you, forgive them because they are actually inspired by your every move.

You will never forget the people who hurt you, I promise you this. But one thing we all have easy access to is choices. And you have the choice today to forgive those who have hurt you so you can live the life you so rightfully deserve.

Forgiveness isn’t easy. I never said it was. But it does set you free and I promise you that you are worth every bit of freedom and happiness that is on the other side of this painful experience.

It may have hurt you, but darling, you learned so many things through the experiences and the people that have caused you pain.

So today, you have a choice.

You can stay bitter, you can stay angry, you can stay hurt and you can hope that those who have hurt you live a miserable life.

Or, you can forgive the people who hurt you even though you will never forget them.

Because above all else, you are worth what lies on the other side of forgiveness today.

Forgive them, even though you will never forget them.

You are worth that much. TC mark

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