We see so many posts these days about self-love and let’s not forget that there are even self-love movements.
More and more people are doing X things to love themselves a little bit more each day and judging from the effort we put in, we now see that loving who we are is far from easy.
When I think of self-love, however, I think about the thousands of girls and women daily who struggle to see even an ounce of worth in who they are. I think about myself in elementary days and high school, as the naive young girl who hated what she saw when she looked in the mirror.
Those adolescent and pubescent years where self-doubt and low self-esteem run savage in our systems.
So when a woman, or anyone for that matter, has gotten to the point in their lives where they truly love who they are, to me, this is, like a first kiss, first time, a wedding, or a graduation, a milestone, because loving who we are is something that takes years to develop. In an age where so much emphasis is placed on beauty, accolades, status, likes and how many friends you have, loving and accepting ourselves as unique beings, doesn’t happen overnight.
Nonetheless, as time goes on, loving who we are gets easier. We start to accept ourselves a little more and life feels lighter and easier to navigate because when we love who we are, the world looks a little different.
Here are 10 little ways you are finally starting to love yourself more:
1. You feel more comfortable in your skin
Instead of seeing flaws when you look in the mirror you look for attributes about yourself. You wear outfits that bring out your best features and you own your body. So what you put on a little weight? This is evidence that you are enjoying life and living. Accepting yourself is becoming easier and you are finally feeling whole in your skin.
2. You have stopped comparing yourself to others
Before, you would compare yourself to every woman you saw. You asked yourself why your body couldn’t look like hers, your skin, your face, your hair, etc, etc. Because you compared as well, you often hated on other women just because they are pretty. Now, however, you know that comparison robs you of being you and when you see another pretty woman, you know her beauty doesn’t take away from your own. Most importantly, you know you are unique.
3. You look for validation from yourself, not others
You used to wait for people to compliment you on your outfit before you felt good about it, but now, you know you look good and you don’t give AF if someone compliments you or not because you validate your existence. You know that self-worth comes from you and when you love who you are, there will always be this inner confirmation that you are more than enough.
4. You stopped looking for a man to make you feel beautiful
A lot of women fall into the trap of wanting guys to validate their beauty, their value and their worth, especially if they are single. They need to have a man tell them they are beautiful and sexy in order to feel worthy. You used to be this girl, but now you know that a man cannot validate your beauty or your worth and the sooner you got this, the sooner you owned who you are whether single or not.
5. You can acknowledge the success of others without being envious
The only reason someone would hate on another person is if they want what they have. Before, you shrunk in the presence of others who shined. It killed you to compliment another person or see their success shine on Instagram and Facebook because it made you feel inferior. Now, however, because you are filled with love for yourself, you can acknowledge the wins of others without feeling like you’ve lost. There is enough for us all.
6. You aren’t so hard on yourself
You used to beat yourself up for every little thing, but you now know that self-love means that you are kinder to yourself in all things. You know you are doing the best you can and your best is enough.
7. You look for good, quality men
Being in relationships with shitty men are sometimes a sign that self-love is lacking. You used to hook up with guys that weren’t shit but they gave you the attention and the validation you were looking for. Now, however, even if you have been single for a year, you will wait for the guy who deserves you.
8. You’ve invested in self-care
Self-care means anything you implement in your life just for you that makes you a better person. Whether it be a healthy meal plan, exercise, coffee dates or dinner dates by yourself, meditation, yoga, or whatever it is that keeps you aligned and centered. Before, because you lacked self-love, you neglected things that made you your best you. But now, you come first.
9. You know that success will someday be yours
Rejection and seeing others succeed before you really used to get you down. You thought your writing wasn’t good enough, that you would never write that book, get that job, be the person you’ve always wanted to be. But because you’ve now invested in yourself, the sky seems like the limit. You may not have it now, but you know eventually, success will be yours.
10. When you say, “I love myself” you actually mean it
Finally, when you look into your eyes and say, “I love myself” you actually mean it. It isn’t an assignment you’ve given yourself, to say I love you more each day. The words aren’t grudgingly sliding off of your lips. You feel it and you mean it, because after years of hurt, pain and doubt, you finally, finally, love yourself.