Just So You Know, It’s Okay To Still Be A Virgin In Your 20s

Bride in white tennis shoes holds up her wedding dress train and bouquet in the woods
Felix Russell-Saw / Unsplash

So, I’m 23 and I still haven’t had sex. 

In today’s day and age, if anyone besides my close friends were to hear this, I am sure they would look at me strangely or with a sudden air of surprise, because losing your virginity today is something that usually happens when you are, let’s say, 16, or now, it’s starting even earlier for some.

I do, however, acknowledge that I am a late-bloomer and I have had some experiences later in life and I think when I was a lot younger, let’s say, 18, 19, I would get teased by people and actually feel insecure about this.

It would be family members who would make jokes or friends and co-workers who would comment and giggle a little, ending our the conversations with a slight, “Awww, that’s so precious.”

And at the time, it would bother me. I would then begin to feel insecure and wonder if there was something wrong with me for still being a virgin.

I mean, I was embarrassed, but I just had never met anyone in my life yet and I viewed sex as something I wanted to share with someone I really loved. Call me old school, but everyone’s views on love and sex are different and this is just how I saw everything at the time.

But slowly, I started to feel the pressure. Friends I knew that waited for either religious or their own reasons were now having sex and I wondered if I was the only one not doing it.

However, now that I am in a relationship, sex is something I still want to take my time with because as someone who is highly emotional, sensitive, and a deep and introspective thinker, I need to be in a place mentally where I think I am ready for sex and right now, I’m not. And guess what, it’s okay.

There are so many people, whether it be in their 20s, or even their 30s, who have sex just because they want to fill a void, but they aren’t truly happy or emotionally invested in a relationship, as well as even mentally equipped to handle the heaviness that comes with sex.

Like it’s not just a thing that people do, even though that is what the media perpetuates and feeds us. 

Yes, Netflix and chill does exist, but a lot of people are actually out here having sex with people they don’t love and just doing it because. A lot of young girls as well, know they are not ready, but do it anyway because society tells us that we have to by this age and if you don’t you are abnormal. 

Thinking back now to who I was when I was younger, I know for a fact I would not have been emotionally ready as of yet for sex and any of the mental consequences that comes with it. And at the time, I wasn’t even with the gem of a boyfriend I have now, who actually encourages me to wait until I am ready.

My point is this, there are various reasons why people are virgins, whether for religious reasons or by choice and it shouldn’t matter what age you lose your virginity and there is definitely no shame in when you lose it as well.

Actor and Daytime host Tamera Mowry, someone who I have looked up to over the years, lost her virginity at 29, something I am sure as a grown woman, she has gotten flack for. But guess what, it doesn’t make her less of a woman and she is now happily married and is a one of the co-hosts of the Real. 

Being a virgin does not define you and if you are someone who hasn’t had sex yet for any reason, whether you are religious, not ready, or whatever it may be, I just want you to know you are okay just being you and you aren’t abnormal for not yet being sexually active.

Guard your mind and heart emotionally for when you are ready and you will thank yourself later.

And the way I see it, you have all your life to have sex, so it is honestly just waiting for you to enjoy. TC mark

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