So like a lot of Black families, I was raised Pentecostal, but I haven’t been baptized or “saved” like some people would like to say, meaning you have to decide to give your life to Christ and now you are living your life like a true Christian.
I have a relationship with God and I personally believe that everyone should have some source of power that they look up to when it comes to pushing forward with life.
Because life is a difficult game, as we all know, and if you choose to deal with it by yourself, you are in for a rough time.
But back to Christianity. I haven’t been saved because I am one of those people who like to ask a lot of questions. Like a lot. And I am the type of person who likes answers to questions. Like why does the Bible say this? And why is this relevant?
But Christians like to do this thing where they tell you not to ask questions and just to listen to what the Bible says because if that’s what it says, it is law and you shouldn’t ask any questions.
But of course, as a person of faith, I want to know the answers to certain things. Like the worldwide question, “If God loves us, why do horrible things happen?”
Ever since my experiences with depression, I can definitely tell you have been on the fence when it comes to church and God. I mean I have survived debilitating depression and countless moments with suicidal thoughts and ideations, so what kind of God would allow something like this?
When I have asked church members and even pastors these questions, it seems that it is hard for them to muster up a response that seems logical and as someone on the fence with my faith, it then leaves me not wanting to join a church at all because how could you not even have any encouraging words to muster up and you call yourself someone of faith?
Here is my take on Christianity. And I might get flack for this, oh well, but I am just saying what most people have thought to themselves anyway.
The church can be extremely judgemental, lacks education on a series of issues, and likes to live in denial.
There I said it.
I have been to countless churches that don’t even bring up mental health and depression and this is a WORLDWIDE issue. How could you have a platform so big and be afraid to talk about what afflicts our youth such as suicide, self-harm, depression, etc?
Do they even know how much people they could be helping if they chose to be open and upfront with these issues?
There is also a common belief that if you commit suicide, you are going to hell, which is the most bogus piece of shit I have ever heard in my life and this reasoning won’t allow people in the church to ever really want to open up when they are hurting and depressed.
Christians also don’t have many nice things to say when it comes to homosexuality as well. But my view is this, how can you call yourself a Christian if you are willing to persecute others for how they choose to live their lives? If God even took the time to create homosexuals, why would he want a congregation that slanders them?
The last time I went to church I broke down in tears over all the shit I have gone through and I felt embarrassed to cry in church over the fear of being judged by others. I did cry, but some people seemed to want to just tiptoe around me like it was a surprise I was crying, like half the people who go to church are not broken and struggle with their own issues.
I know I am being all the way real with this post, but my point is that I will not support a place of worship that fails to address issues that affect the masses. I will not be fake and act like I don’t have issues that affect me on a daily basis and if I can’t be in a place where I can be 100% authentic about certain issues and come as I am, then I don’t want to commit myself to it.
As of now, you will find me in a church now and then and I will always have a personal relationship with God, but I can’t commit to something that I know needs work on when it comes to being real about certain issues and not being judgemental towards others.
I think we all need to tap into some form of faith in this life, to get by, but I will always stand firm on my belief that you can have all the faith in the world but stand firm in your beliefs on being educated and inclusive as well.